The End Of The Great Game
by Allons-yEveryone
Summary: Ever wonder what happened after the great game? Sherlock realises his true feelings and at the most inconvenient time. But if he survives this...will he continue to go with Watson just as his companion or will he find himself asking for more. SH/JW Slash
1. Bullets

The End Of The Great Game

Rating: M

Pairings: Sherlock/John, John/Mary possibly.

Summary: Ever wonder what happened after the great game? Sherlock realises his true feelings and at the most inconvenient time. But when he...if he survives this...will he continue to go with Watson just as his companion or will he find himself asking for more and if he does ask for more...Will Watson give him that?

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Chapter 1: Bullets

I hadn't expected Watson to walk in when he did, I didn't think I'd see him till later…I didn't know how to react…the conclusion that my head gave me was not possible.  
"Evening," John said, he sounded bored…bored of his little game…was this, was this the man who'd threatened to kill so many, "This is a turn up isn't it Sherlock?" he asked me.  
I finally worked out how to move my mouth…but the words were very quiet…I couldn't believe it, "John…What the hell-"  
"I bet you never saw this coming," John said.  
I turned and walked forwards confused for the first time in so very long, I didn't know what to say…My heart raced…and I felt it burn…I was angry, angry with myself for trusting in someone…I'd trusted in Watson and this was what I got for it?

But then John revealed who was really talking, just one movement, opening his jacket to reveal a bomb, "What would you like me to make him say next?" said my enemy through Johns lips…I suddenly hated myself for thinking of John the way I had…but I had no time to hate myself…John was strapped to a bomb.  
"Gotlagear, gotlagear…gotlagear," Johns voice was frightened, of course it was, of course he should be!  
"Stop it." I ordered, I couldn't take the pain I saw in John's eyes…

I liked John Watson, I liked him a lot, my best friend, my only friend. But as he had stood there and watched John shake, a bomb strapped to his chest, I knew something else was pulsing through my veins…Definitely not the cold black dirt that everyone thought kept my body going. My heart skipped a beat and began thumping fast, my head blurred…I liked John…I really liked John…I like, liked John…

"Nice touch this. The pool. where little Carl died. I stoped him, I can stop John Watson too, stop his heart," I continued, his voice shook as a red dot played across his chest.  
"Who are you?" I exclaimed, I didn't expect an answer…at least not from the man himself. There was a swing of a door and then a voice, "I gave you my number," that voice, "I thought you might call." I knew that voice…I knew who that was.

I knew exactly who it was, "Is that a British Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?" the man asked.  
I drew the gun from my pocket, "Both," I said, pointing it at the man who stood at the other side of the pool.  
"Jim Moriarty," he said introducing himself, "Hiiiii." I couldn't deduct much from this man…and that scared me. The most I could tell from the man already was that he was a loony; a complete psychopath…and Anderson had thought I was one myself. I didn't answer, I stayed silent, watching Moriarty…I couldn't look at John…if I did I might not be able to stop the-

"Jim? Jim from the hospital?" he began walking around the edge of the pool, his hands in the pockets of his suit pants. "Oh," he looked down as if hurt, "I really made suck a fleeting impression. Although I suppose that was rather the point, " he grinned. Sweat began to make my hand slippery against the trigger. I gave a quick glance at John to make sure he was alright, but John had his head tilted to the ground.  
"Don't be silly someone else is holding the rifle," Moriarty said, "I don't like getting my hands dirty." Now they stood either side of the pool, I with a quivering John and Moriarty alone…but the red dot that flickered across my friend's chest indicated he was not.

"I've given you a glimpse Sherlock, just a tinsie glimpse of what I've got going out there in the big bad world," he sounded so proud of himself, so, so proud. Was that what intelligent people sounded like, was that what I sounded like. "I'm a specialist, you see…" he looked at directly at me for the first time, "Like you."  
I wanted to shout, I wanted to tell him I was nothing like him but instead different words left my mouth…but I didn't care, "dear Jim, please would you fix it for me," I sounded almost like I was crying…but that stopped immediately, "to get rid of my lovers nasty sister, dear Jim please would you fix it for me to disappear to south America."  
"Just so," he said with a hint of a smile.  
"Consulting criminal…" I said amazed, "Brilliant."  
"Isn't it?" Moriarty grinned, a childish grin, one you'd find on a boy who'd been told by his mother that she was proud of him.

"No one ever gets to me..." he continued, "and no one ever will."  
"I did," I said as I pulled the safety of my gun.  
"You've come the closest. Now you're in my way."  
"Thank you-"  
"Didn't mean that as a compliment," Moriarty said quickly.  
"Yes you did," I told him.  
Moriarty shrugged, "Yeah okay, I did. But the flirting's over Sherlock, Daddies' had enough now," he sang. "I've shown you what I can do. I cut loose all those people, all those little problems, even thirty million quid just to get you to come out and play."  
He was a complete and utter loony, he honestly thought this was just a game…I looked back at the days I'd spent playing it…I had sounded like I was enjoying it…sounded like I liked all this…and I did. I loved it. What had John looked at me and saw? What had everyone seen?

"So take this as a friendly warning, my dear," I held eye contact, "Back off." Moriarty grinned again, "Although. I have loved this. This little game of ours. Playing Jim from IT, playing gay. Did you like the little touch with the underwear?-"  
"People have died," I said.  
"That's what people DO!" The echo sounded through the room and I could have sworn the water rippled with the force of it.  
"I will stop you."  
"No you won't." he said with complete confidence.  
I turned to John, "You alright?" I asked, how scared was he, was he bored with this…did he think I was still playing. Because I wasn't. I wasn't playing ANYMORE!

"You can talk," Moriarty said to John, leaning over his shoulder.  
John pulled away, a disgusted look on his face.  
"Johny boy, go ahead."  
John looked at me with a frown, a pleading frown; he was begging me to stop this…  
"Take it," I said finally, I couldn't see anyway out of this…and John had been tortured more than enough.  
"Oh, that," Moriarty took the USB from me, "the missile plans," he brought it to his lips and kissed it, staring at me before exclaiming with a laugh, "Boring, I could of got that anywhere," and he flicked it into the pool.

I saw John move, the stupid idiot he was, bomb strapped to his chest ran up behind the enemy and put an arm around his neck, "Sherlock run!" John exclaimed. As if I would!  
Moriarty laughed, "Good! Very good!" he still though this was a bloody game!  
I kept the gun on Moriarty, I would not move, I would stay by John's side what ever the turn out of this night.

"Your sniper Moriarty," John said between gritted teeth, "He shoots, we both go up."  
"Isn't he sweet, I see why you like having him around. But then people get so sentimental about there pets. There so totally loyal," Moriarty lent back as if to kiss Watson but he pulled away. "Oops!" Moriarty exclaimed with flirty laugh, "Your hand slipped a bit there doctor Watson."  
Watson began staring at me but me could see that the expression was hopeless, my eyes went a red hue and I could tell a sniper had his gun trained on my forehead. I blinked and looked down with a shake of the head.

John let Moriarty go, "Gotcha," he said in sing-song tone, he laughed again and John moved back, his hands raised in defeat. "Westwood," Moriarty said pointing to his suit, "Do you know what happens if you don't leave me alone, Sherlock, to you?"  
"Oh let me guess, I get killed?" I asked with boredom.  
"Kill you? Em, no. Don't be obvious. I mean, I'm gonna kill you anyway, someday. I don't want to rush it though. I'm saving it for something special. No, if you don't stop prying... I'll burn you." Moriarty looked me up and down and despite the context of his words he sounded flirty, "I will burn... the heart out of you."  
"I've been reliably informed that I don't have one."  
"Oh, but we both know that's not entirely true, now is it?" Moriarty said with a small smile.

I gave a fleeting glance at John before quickly looking back.  
"Well. I better be off," he said, "Well so nice to have had a proper chat."  
"What if I were to just shoot you right now?" I asked him holding the gun up further.  
"Well, then you would get to enjoy the look of utter surprise on my face." he opened his mouth in an over exaggerated shocked expression, "Because I would be surprised, Sherlock. Surprised, and...maybe just a tinsie bit...disappointed. And of course, you wouldn't get to enjoy it for very long."  
"Ciao. Sherlock Holmes."

"Catch... You... Later." I said.  
"No you won't!" Moriarty sang as he disappeared.  
I kept the gun pointed at the doorway in which Moriarty disappeared down, I looked at John and with a frightful gasp I remembered what was strapped to his chest. I dropped the gun and knelt quickly to undo the devise, "Alright?" I asked, "Are you alright!" I exclaimed louder, my hands fumbling for the straps and clasps.  
"Yeah…" John gasped, "Yeah I'm fine."  
I quickly stood to pull the jacket off from the back.  
"I'm fine, Sherlock. Sherlock!" John exclaimed with a little bit of surprise as I pulled the jacket off all the way. I threw it across the floor and looked back at Watson, he was breathing heavily, from shock most likely.  
I quickly grabbed my gun and ran after the enemy, now that Watson was safe Moriarty was next. But the hall was silent and I changed my mind spinning around to look after John. I walked back in to find John on the floor, his head against the wall.

"Are you okay?" John asked me.  
I was walking up and down the room, I was trying to work out my feelings…what did I feel? My heart was fluttering and my head kept seeing Watson safe. I honestly wanted to beam and dance and- When did I want to dance! –and I didn't care that the enemy had gotten away.  
"Me? Yeah." I sounded stupid… "I'm fine, I'm fine," I repeated looking in the opposite direction. I was resisting the edge to pull John up and kiss him…Good god…was I gay?

The great marvelous Sherlock Holmes…and my brain was clouded with the thoughts of- No not going there. "That eh…thing you did um…that you offered to do that was um good," I said lamely.  
"I'm glad no one saw that," John said.  
"Hmm?" I asked confused.  
"You ripping my clothes off in a darkened swimming pool people might talk."  
I was a little taken aback. I knew John was not gay, I knew he had had girlfriends…but my heart broke non-the less. "That's all people do," I said a bit coldly and then thought to laugh it off. To make it a joke…something John would not look back at and possibly think, "Hang on why'd he do that?"  
I gave a little laugh and John's soon followed.

But then I saw the red dot again, on John's chest, he looked down seeing it at once. "Oh…" John shook his head and I swore.  
"Sorry boys!" Moriarty called walking back in on the scene.  
"I'm soooo changeable! It is a weakness with me but to be fair to myself it is my only weakness. You can't be allowed to continue, you just can't."  
I looked down at John and frowned and he looked up and mirrored my expression.  
"I would try to convince you but everything I have to say has already crossed your mind," four more sniper dot's appeared on my chest and sighed, I had had enough of these games…just end it already. End it or go away!  
I looked at John again and he gave me a slight nod, he knew what I wanted to do…that's how well he knew me.  
"Probably my answer has crossed yours," I said turning and pointing the gun at Moriarty, he smiled back at me and I lowered it slightly. The Jacket just lay there, bomb and all, my eyes clouded with red hue now and again and the red dots in my peripheral vision were dancing across my body.

I heard John's breath loud and clear in my ears, my blood pumped loudly in my chest and the only noise I could hear was Watson and Sherlock. We would die here and we would die here together. John wouldn't know how Sherlock felt about him…and it wouldn't matter. I looked up at Moriarty one more time, he smiled and I knew exactly what would happen next.

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First ever non-Doctor Who fanfict that I've written. So please be kind.

I've never tried to write a Sherlock story...let alone a Sherlock/John story.

Please tell me what you think, how I could improve, if I'm going in or out of character and what you would like or think will happen.

Thanks! Read and enjoy!


	2. Shock

Chapter 2: Shock

I walked backwards slowly, "John, stand," I ordered.  
"Sherlock?" he asked, but I didn't take my eyes off Moriarty.  
Moriarty was grinning away, you won't shoot me Sherlock, you wouldn't dare. But I didn't follow anyone's expectations, I never had and I wasn't about to start now. I walked further backwards, inching slowly right, the red dots followed my every move and Moriarty kept eye contact with me. John followed my steps and I calculated the seconds that I'd have, to make my move.

I clenched my teeth, three seconds; I could do it, three seconds…yep. My foot hit the slightly raised step and I gave a quick glance at John, he was close, but he didn't know what I was about to do and I hoped he would forgive me. I shot the bullet at the bomb and grabbed Watson falling into the water of the pool. The explosion boomed above the surface, I heard the muffled noise and felt John struggle to break free from my grip. I pulled him back down to the bottom of the pool but we kept floating up. I hoped nothing would collapse into the water and squash us, with my calculations nothing would. John was beginning to still, he hadn't taken a big enough breath but it was still too dangerous to swim to the surface. I kept swimming down to the bottom as my body began to rise.

When I did break through the surface I didn't look around, I didn't have enough time. Watson had been under the water far to long with too little oxygen in his lungs and I needed to get him breathing. I pulled him up beside me on the blackened tiles, things spit and burnt around me but all I saw was John, his chest not moving. I put my hands together and pushed down on his chest hard, he didn't stir I tried again, nothing. I grabbed his mouth and put mine against it, breathing into him.

He suddenly started coughing, water bubbling from his throat, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and sat him up right. "Are you alright?" I asked, how many times had I said that this night? But he was still coughing, "Just nod if your okay," I said.  
John nodded and I patted his back looking around at our surroundings. All but one of the walls was still standing, the floor was covered with black ash, fire burnt in a few corners and there was a big hole in the corner of the roof, the whole building creaked. Not good. "We should get out of here," I said turning to see John staring at me, "What?" I asked.  
"That. Was. Brilliant," he said.  
I grinned, "Thanks."

I helped him to his feet and we walked out over the brickwork that had collapsed, I saw the bodies in my peripheral vision, black and charred…Would Moriarty's body be one of them? Or would he have escaped? He wouldn't have had time surely? But something told me that Moriarty wasn't an easy man to kill.

I helped John along, he stumbled and tripped continuously and I had to grip him tight to hold him up, "I can walk, Sherlock," he protested but I didn't let go of him, I didn't want to...plus he'd nearly drowned. I looked up to see Lestrade running to us over the bricks, "Sherlock, John!" he exclaimed, "What on earth-"  
"Lestrade do you think you could give us a little bit of a rest…we just escaped an explosion…and John here nearly drowned…" I said.  
Lestrade nodded looking behind us, "But what started it?"  
"Moriarty," I stated coldly.  
"Moriarty?" Lestrade asked.  
"Later," I said simply, walking past him to the ambulance, John was going into shock; his whole body shivered and shook and he was becoming more limp by the minute, "Do you think you could?" I asked grunting under the weight of my blond companion.  
Lestrade looked at Watson and quickly stumbled over, slumping John's arm over his shoulder. Some of the pressure was lifted from my shoulders, "Thanks."  
"Think nothing of it," Lestrade answered.  
Together we carried/dragged John to the ambulance, the doctor's told us he'd be fine and gave us some drugs for when he woke.

The ambulance took Watson and I back to 221 Baker ST where a nice fair-haired fellow helped me get John up to the flat. We lay him down on the couch. A shake of the hand, a close of the door and I sat beside John, my hands trembled from the memories of the night and I smelt terrible. Like burnt toast on a Sunday morning. I did so want to shower but I strongly wanted to stay by my friend till he woke. So I stayed. I stayed and watched him as he slept…I thought of what I'd say to Lestrade the next day, I thought of my feelings for John…and how on earth I was going to talk with him about it…

How on Earth did one go about telling their friend that they…lo…lov…loved them…?

Maybe google could help?


	3. Out For A While

Chapter 3: Out For A While

I sat by my friend as he rested. My head, usually working at a billion times per hour, was slow and fuzzy as I watched him. He had begun mumbling only moments before but now his words could be heard clearly through out the room.  
"Sh-Sherlock…Sherlock…No…no," he was obviously in some distress as his whole body shook and sweat dripped from his face.  
I awkwardly put a hand to his cheek and stroked it soothingly, "It's okay John…I'm here, I'm here," I tried to think of a good excuse for if he woke to find me in this position…but no words would form in my mind.  
He finally calmed and I hoped he would wake soon; I wanted him to give me an excuse to leave his side for I could not bring myself to.

When his eyelids began to flutter I pulled back and crossed my legs, hands together in my usual sitting position. John opened his eyes and looked around as if confused with where he was.  
"Morning," I said with a grin and then looked to the window…it was still dark out but birds whistling in the distance told me that it was just early morn.  
John put a hand to his head, "What happened?" he asked.  
"Well…" I leaned forwards, "The whole story or after I revived you?" I asked.  
"After," he said, his hand still over his eyes, he might have a headache…should I ask if he wanted tea…  
"Well you blacked out halfway out of the building, Lestrade and I carried you to the ambulance where some doctor's had a look at you. From there the ambulance drove us home and a nice fellow helped me get you up here to this couch where you now lay."  
John looked up, "Was I that out if it?"  
"Hmm," I answered standing, "Tea?" I asked.  
"Please," John said, still looking up at me, "Strong thanks."

I walked to the kitchen and looked around for where I would have left the tea bags…they weren't in the fridge by the skull…not by the jar of eyeballs…maybe John had moved them to the cupboard…really, why put tea bags in the cupboard? I shook my head but opened the cupboards one by one; I found them on the fourth try and pulled a few out, two for him and one for me.  
"Were we the only one's to survive?" John asked.  
"If you mean did Moriarty escape," I sighed, "Then I don't know, I was too busy-" um…looking after you… "Giving Lestrade instructions," I finished.  
"Hmm," John didn't seem to notice the pause, if he did he didn't give any sign of worrying about it. Sometimes I forgot how little he saw…I guess it was a good thing…most of the time.  
"Lestrade will want you to look over the bodies today no doubt," I said carrying the hot mugs over to the little table.

John sat up too quickly and made a groan as his head obviously spun, "Did you hit your head on the bottom of the pool?" I asked.  
"Probably…"  
"D-Do you want me to look?" I said…I hoped I'd imagined the crack in my voice…  
John again didn't seem to notice, "Nah, should be fine, nice strong tea should do it," he said sipping at the hot drink in his hands.  
I lent back in my seat and did the same, but the tea was just hot liquid down my throat…

While John had been out of it I had looked on google. Nothing…nothing at all seemed to help…it was all about long lost lovers, childhood sweethearts…and girl/boy relationships…nothing at all would help me. I had given up soon after the fifth google page…and instead watched John sleep…I felt a little stalkerish but what John didn't know didn't hurt him surely.

The rest of the morning was silent, John was in a fragile mood and any loud noises annoyed him…I for once in my life obeyed his silent warnings and kept to my corner of the room, I waited by my phone…well our phone…it was technically John's but I used it far too often for it to be called his anymore. I waited for Lestrade to call, I needed something to think about, something to distract me…I wasn't bored…I just wasn't being very - What was the word? – friendly in the way I was thinking of John right now.

Maybe I should just tell him straight out, just: I love you John Watson…Hmm maybe not…John…I've been thinking have you ever had any attraction to guys…NO! I'm definitely not saying that…Stupid brain! Stupid mind! Can't you just delete this like you usually do for stupid trivial things? Well I had the answer to that…because this wasn't something trivial…this wasn't just some crush or stupid little idea…I was honestly…in - I shivered - in love with John.

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**Next chapter will be up as soon as possible. Please review!**


	4. Back On The Scene

Chapter 4: Back On The Scene

The phone finally buzzed; I picked it up quickly and looked at the message.

Crime scene.  
Now.  
Bring John.

Lestrade

I raised an eyebrow, it seemed my habits were rubbing off on the people around me.  
"John, Lestrade wants us on the scene," I told him.  
John sat up and cracked his neck, yawning, "Hmm, just let me have a quick shower."  
I waited for John by the door patiently, my scarf was already around my neck and my coat was already upon my shoulders. John appeared in his usual wear, cream jumper, jacket, jeans and black shoes.

I held the door open for him and we walked out, I followed him down the stairs, Mrs Hudson came and I waved her off with a hand, "Everything's fine," I watched her open her mouth to say something but I cut her off, "don't worry we'll be back." and we walked out the door.

I put my hand out, "Taxi!" and called down the street, a black taxi pulled up and we climbed in. John gave the driver our destination and I immediately went to looking out the window, just like I always did.  
"Sherlock?"  
I turned to John, "Yes?" I asked.  
"What's the matter?" he asked.  
I answered a little too fast, "Nothing," I said.  
"Are you worried about Moriarty?"  
I nearly laughed, was I that hard to read…no matter, "A little," I said…it wasn't lying at least…Moriarty surely couldn't be destroyed by a single blast…a cunning, brilliant mind like that…destroyed by a mess up in his own plan…oh no…I didn't think we'd find his body.

We stayed silent again through out the whole trip, I'd decided I wouldn't talk to John about my feelings…if I were to, I might scare him off…ruin a good friendship…ruin my only friendship…I couldn't do that. Not yet…I'd wait…wait and deduce John's own feelings…today would be my test…

The Taxi pulled into the side of the road and I hopped out, followed by John. I looked over the scene, the ceiling still stood…but it was being held up by something by the way it tilted, Lestrade had had people in to move the brick work to the side…good in some ways but it would probably have ruined evidence…Poor lad…so clueless.

The building was still smoking slightly and I could see policemen putting up warnings along the road, no doubt some stupid people would crash from looking at the scene…really why couldn't they keep their eyes on the road. I stepped over the brickwork and onto the path that had been made in-between. Lestrade met us at the entrance, "Sherlock, John," he greeted in his usual frown, "Gonna tell me what happened?"  
I sighed, "John will give you the details, I need to look at the scene," I said looking back and pointing at John. He grunted with disapproval and I noted that he didn't like it when I got all the best jobs…  
"Actually," I said changing my mind, "John could you look over the bodies first, I need to talk to Lestrade," I said.  
John was a little shocked at my change of orders but gave a little smile, "Sure Sherlock," he disappeared into the building, which I could now see did indeed have a metal structure holding the ceiling up…equipped with lighting too…I watched the people inside stand awkwardly back from the bodies…by god Lestrade had even told the men not to touch them…Who said you couldn't teach an old dog new tricks.

"Sherlock?" Lestrade asked.  
"Ah yes, I think I'll tell you what happened instead of John…he hit his head on the bottom of the pool and now has mild concussion, the events of last night may be a bit of a blur for him…and I would like the facts to be correct …"  
Lestrade nodded believing my lie.  
"I contacted Moriarty and told him to meet me here," I said, "For an exchange of knowledge," I turned to the building, "One of the people he murdered died here, I thought it appropriate," Lestrade nodded with a slight grimace, he hadn't liked that…Why on earth not? "John walked in bomb strapped to his chest, Moriarty followed and we had a leisurely talk about each other, he congratulated me on how well I'd done and then left-"  
"Just like that? Why then the explosion?" Lestrade asked.  
I shook my head, "I haven't finished."  
Lestrade raised an eyebrow, "Could you make it quick and simple."  
I frowned, "I got the bomb off John, Moriarty returned, I pushed John into the pool, shot the bomb and well…boom."

Lestrade nodded, "Right…"  
"Now can I please look at the bodies?" I asked.  
Lestrade nodded, "Go ahead, you know you will find more than any all of us put together."  
"I don't know, John is rather good at deducting clues himself," I said without thinking, Lestrade looked at me weirdly but I kept a straight face. I didn't usually congratulate people…and he knew it.

I turned and walked away from him, no need to talk about my friendship with John…I walked past a grumpy Anderson, noting his grunt of disapproval and the way he stood. He was leaning on one leg, his back bent slightly forward, his neck was red and his right shoulder was slightly forward than the other, this indicated he had slept in an awkward position, his eyes were tired and he was indeed very grumpy. He had not had a good night's sleep…and on a couch it would seem.  
"Hey look the freak's back, we heard you blew up the building…" said sergeant Donavan beside him, also quite upset. Mrs Anderson must be back then.  
"Did you do it for fun?" Anderson asked, his voice was croaky, he'd been shouting…a fight with someone then, not Donovan as she stood beside him happily…or rather angrily, no it was his wife that he had fought.  
I ignored them and knelt beside the charred body of one of the snipers, John was looking over it, "Not much I can find, most of the evidence was destroyed by the blast," he said.

I nodded and pointed out the cloth.  
"I know…it's not Moriarty," John said.  
I stood back and stayed silent, letting John survey the bodies himself. John finally stood, "What did you find?" I asked.  
"None of them are Moriarty, all of them are male, except that one…I can't tell what sex he/she is."  
I gave a glance at the body, "female," I said nearly straight away.  
John looked at me with a sideways smile, "Oh really?"  
I nodded and was about to explain but John stopped me, "I'll have to take some sample's to identify who they were…although I don't think that will be easy and…well that's it…Sherlock?"  
I smiled, "Okay, well from the clothing that's left I can tell that they were heavily padded guards, they caught flame nearly straight away, the fire would have killed them not the blast."

I looked over the bodies, "You are right, none of them are Moriarty…"  
"So where it he?"  
I frowned, "He's not here…"

I turned walking to the other side of the room; the pool was now dark grey from the ash that had fallen into it.  
"How could Moriarty have survived the blast?" I asked John, who had followed me to the corner of the room, "Look around, what could he have done to save himself in the mere seconds of the explosion?"

* * *

**Sorry this has taken awhile...Now how could Moriarty have survived the explosion?**

**What v'ill happen next? Please review!**


	5. Codes And Choices

Chapter 5: Codes And Choices

I watched John look around the room, he shrugged after a while, "I don't know."  
I tsk'ed, "It's staring us right in the face," I told him with a grin, I pointed, "There."  
"Um…the door?"  
I shook my head, "Nah…that's just a normal door…look how it's broken on its hinges, no one would survive the blast behind that. Oh he is smart…" I began walking back to where the bodies lay; I passed them and ran my hand over the wall. John stood next to me looking over the wall a confused look on his face.  
"It's just a wall, he's looking at a wall now," Anderson laughed meanly.  
I sighed and continued to look for a crease.  
"No," John said surprising me, "It's not a wall look," he pointed to the ground to the thing I'd already noticed.

The whole floor was covered in ash, every inch of it, but at the crack between the floor and wall there was a gap…none of the other walls had it…but the doors. I grinned, "Well done John, very observa-" and then I found it, I pressed lightly and the wall pushed back disappearing to the side. I stepped back, "Well done Sherlock," I turned to smile at John and found him grinning back at me. I looked away and a little too quickly, my cheeks feeling a little warm.

I was considering stepping back and letting Lestrade do the rest but…Why throw away a brilliant exploration of a cunning criminal masterminds escape? I grinned again in new excitement and walked into the small dark room, it was incredibly similar to a broom cupboard and before it was walled over that was probably what it had been. I searched for a light but found none. With only half a roof and only three walls this was a pretty dark room. "Torch," I requested still looking into the dark of the room, holding my hand out.

A cold rod shaped object was given to me and I clicked the on switch shining the golden light of the torch around the room. Aha, I lent down and traced the boot print, not very careful…leaving evidence…not much of it but evidence none the less. I moved around to try and find some way he might have escaped…after two minutes I stood, walked out, passed the torch to a man and put my hands in my pockets.  
"What did you find?" asked Lestrade.  
I nodded to the concealed cupboard, "Someone, no doubt Moriarty, had that cupboard walled over some time ago…concealed more like. When the bomb exploded everyone had at least five seconds to get away. Moriarty hid in there until after the blast, he must have snuck out while you guys put up your gear."  
Lestrade nodded, writing everything down on a not pad.  
"Also, there's a boot print," I said before walking out.

John ran to catch up with me, "So Moriarty got away?"  
"Hmm, it would seem," I held out my hand, "Phone?"  
I heard a sigh and smiled when the phone was given to me anyway.

You owe me.  
Police codes.  
Government codes.  
Don't call.

SH

I sent the message and passed the phone back to John.  
"What was that?" asked John.  
"Mycroft owes me a favour," I answered.  
John didn't ask but I knew he was confused, I'd explain later.

…

The problem with crimes was that they finished quickly and my brain wasn't good when slowed down. Boredom took over quickly and Mrs Hudson really didn't want another hole in her wall. I lent over John's shoulder, for anyone this might be uncomfortably close…but John didn't seem to care. I eyed him not paying as much attention as I should be to the screen.

John's pocket began vibrating against the chair and he pulled out his phone, passing it to me and typing into the Internet the website I'd given him.

Sending messages via phone is inefficient and unsecure. I have taken the precaution of cloaking your phone this once, along with giving the information you require. Don't expect my expertise or resources again. I do believe I have the authority to ask why on earth you would need such codes from me, with the brilliant mind you yourself have. Despite your lack of power I thought it would be in your depth to do this without my help. The codes have been sent through your phone to John's laptop. How's his shoulder by the way, I do believe it is hurting him.

MH

I smiled despite myself and began typing a reply.

Didn't ask for the cloaking.  
Didn't need help.  
But getting it from you is quicker.

SH

"What the-" John exclaimed watching his laptop screen go black and green lettering typing out across it's background.  
"Mycroft," I said simply.  
John nodded, he was probably used to this sort of thing now. I was just about to look down at the phone and send the message but I couldn't…I began staring…staring at John, his face set in a quizzical interested look. The laptop's screen lit up his face in the dim light of the room. The curtains were pulled over and the main light was off…I traced his face with my eyes and found my body shiver. He noticed this and turned, our noses nearly touching…I was that close. He pulled back and smiled a little embarrassed laughing slightly, "You cold?" he asked ignoring the look I had on my face.

I remembered how to move my features and placed a smile on my embarrassed and stiff features. "Yeah a little," I said but I didn't make a move to get anything warmer. John looked around a little awkwardly before looking back to the laptop, edging on his chair a little further away from me.

I bit my lip…This was probably the nicest thing I'd ever send to my brother…and I…I wouldn't go to him for help but…well…Mummy was far too old for this sort of thing…and well…

Didn't ask for the cloaking.  
Didn't need help.  
But wanted it.  
Thanks.

SH

Can we talk?

And I sent the message.  
The reply came nearly straight away.

The restaurant down the street from my unofficial office. Twelve. Don't eat. We'll have lunch.

MH

* * *

**Okay...so Mycroft's coming in soon...I love brolly-man and so if I am out of character please tell me...I'd hate to dishonour him! Thanks! Please Review!**


	6. Brothers

Chapter 6: Brothers

"I'm going out," I called to John.  
"Where to?" he asked.  
Uh to have a talk that I requested to have with the brother that I supposedly hate so much but trust with information close to…oh god…my heart. "You know, this, that."  
"Shall I leave the laptop running?" John asked. Green coloured codes were still playing out along the screen. I wouldn't be surprised if the laptop didn't hack into the police force and government before tomorrow morning. They were pretty secure networks after all…now if he had an apple laptop…then it might take a few hours at most.  
"Yes."

I left, pulling my scarf tight around my neck, my black curls bounced around my face and my trench coat blew about my feet as I swiftly descended the staircase. I opened the front door of 221B to find a car already awaiting me, courtesy of Mycroft. I opened the door and slipped in, it had a large back seat and thankfully only I and the driver occupied the vehicle…I couldn't stand Lucinda…Sorry Anthea…really why the girl had to change her name I had no idea…anyone smart enough would already know her name and anyone dumber wouldn't bother to find out.

The ride was quick and went without any distraction. When we arrived at the restaurant I left the car giving a quick thank you to the nameless driver. Mycroft waited patiently by the front door, umbrella in one hand and a slightly shocked and confused expression on his face. Exactly two seconds later and he had banished it from his person.

"Mycroft," I greeted.  
"Sherlock," he greeted back.  
An awkward moment passed between us before he gestured with his hand, "Shall we find a seat inside, I'm practically starved."  
I nodded and walked in before him. I wasn't surprised to find the usually busy and full restaurant empty…of course Mycroft would have booked the whole place. I didn't bother rolling my eyes and found a nice long table. I sat at one end and Mycroft sat at the other. As soon as we had found our seats a waiter appeared, "Your orders?" The man asked, he wore a black tux and had a balding head, his skin was rough and flaky and he was literally sweating bullets…

"Sherlock?" Mycroft asked.  
I shook my head, "I'm not hungry," I lied.  
"Nonsense," Mycroft scoffed, "He'll have the third on the menu."  
As there was no menu I suspected Mycroft had made one…I wouldn't be surprised if he had bought the whole stupid place…at least the rating might go up if he had. I didn't argue with my brother and watched as he ordered something or rather.

A second waiter appeared next to me and placed a box of cigarettes and poured me a glass of champagne. They left and I eyed Mycroft, "I don't smoke anymore," I said.  
Mycroft nodded but left them where they lay, he held up his champagne glass but I didn't move to raise my own. I still sat in the same position I had when we had sat. "The staff are all in the kitchens," Mycroft said, "You may talk freely."  
I nodded, not sure how to start the conversation. Mycroft saw my trouble and decided to start instead.  
"You've changed since last I talked," he said.  
"Oh?" I asked.  
"Indeed, you've improved yet fallen behind in your deductions," he said, eyeing the cigarettes by the edge of the table.  
I laughed.  
"How many cigarettes are in that box?" he asked me seriously.  
I stopped laughing and looked to the box, calculating the area of it, "Ten," I answered.  
"Four," Mycroft said, opening the box to show me.

I frowned.  
"You didn't watch how the waiter held the box," he frowned, "You usually see everything…Something's on your mind Sherlock and what ever it is it's crippling your incredible skills of deduction." He lent back in his chair, "You wouldn't come to me if it were a case, not unless it concerned…Why did you want to see me?"  
"You're correct, I do have something on my mind," I said, I was still a little unnerved by my false calculation, I never got my calculations wrong.  
I thought of how to continue but Mycroft butted in, "How's John?"  
I must have made a reaction because he smiled, "I thought as much."  
"So?" I asked.  
Mycroft shrugged, "It doesn't bother me," and then smiled, "The great Sherlock Holmes…asexual…without a heart…Ha! I think not."  
I grimaced and was about to stand but he apologized swiftly with a gesture to sit, "No, no, please stay."

I sat, "You're laughing at me."  
"No," Mycroft smiled, "I'm laughing at the way you so crudely advertised yourself as heartless, you've hardly lived Sherlock."  
I raised an eyebrow, "says the man who has is dirty work done by others."  
"You're changing the subject."  
"Maybe I am."  
"Sherlock," Mycroft smiled.  
I began to study my champagne glass, it was suddenly very interesting, "You don't think it's strange...?"  
"To like a man? No course not," I looked up to see him shake his head and smile again, he leaned forward and placed a hand on mine, patting it lightly, "Sherlock, if you have love in you…I don't care who it's for, all this intelligence and crime has turned you cold…I haven't seen my little brother for a long while…" I felt my eyes begin to water as Mycroft smile at me, "Hello little brother," he said.

Just like that, my stupid idiot of a brother made me cry. Cry! Sherlock Holmes crying! God what next? I was in love with John. I was crying in front of my brother…I wouldn't be surprised if I grew a fluffy rabbit's tail…Mycroft turned his seat and beckoned me close. I rose shakily and then slumped into my big brother's arms. I felt like ten years old again, running into my brother's arms with tears in my eyes. He used to always look after me, I would be bullied and he'd stand up from me. I missed my big brother, I thought he'd left me…but I was wrong, it was I that had left…to grow up without him.

* * *

**Please review! How was Brolly-Man? Did I write his character in correctly...**


	7. Let Your Heart Do The Thinking

Chapter 7: Let Your Heart Do The Thinking

I wiped at my tears and sat back in my seat, I composed my face as if nothing had happened and asked what I had meant to ask in the beginning, "But what do I do?"  
Mycroft smiled at someone behind me, and our food was set before us. He waited till the waiter left and then picked up his knife and fork and began to eat, "Sherlock…As much as you might want me to give you statistics and percentages I won't. I'm going to answer this without all the facts…"  
I nodded.  
"Make sure you really do want John…and then tell him so. Do what your heart tells you."  
I rolled my eyes, "That sounds like something from a romantic comedy," I said, looking at the soup that had been given to me. Pumpkin soup, no pepper. Just how mummy used to make it…just how my big brother used to set it.

He laughed, "Have you seen any romantic comedies?" he asked.  
"Good point, but I-"  
"You've researched it," Mycroft shook his head, "That's your fault Sherlock, too much research…too much thinking…sometimes you need to just do something, straight away without hesitation, you can't live forever Sherlock."  
I picked up my spoon listening carefully.  
"And with your kind of life I would cherish every moment…you never know what could happen," Mycroft frowned, "You know I worry?"  
I nodded, "John told me."  
"But did you believe him?"  
I studied the orange soup on my spoon, "I think I did," I said.

* * *

When I left the restaurant I knew what I'd do, I knew where I stood…for once in my life, I didn't feel lonely, I didn't feel out of place…I'd been a late comer but I'd finally caught up. I don't really know where Mycroft and I stand now…but where ever it is it's not the black cliffs we'd once stood.

When I arrived at 221B John was still sitting at his desk, head in his hands. He must of heard the door close and expected it was me because he turned and smiled. I smiled back at his gorgeous litt grin, Who couldn't?  
"The numbers have stopped appearing on the screen," he announced, moving aside to show me his laptop.  
I walked up to him and bent down to the screen, again just inches from his face, "Mycroft's very efficient," I smiled; "Now we can hack into the government security and get the information we need from the police."  
"Um…what?" John asked, turning to face me in surprise, "Why are we hacking high security programs?"  
I smiled, "Why else would I have contacted my brother? We need the information about Moriarty. The police now have his footprint…and we will to...soon, then we can find the man himself using the government codes," I finished with a grin, John gave me a shocked look. But I could see the tips of his lips quivering, wanting to smile back.

I began laughing at how strange I would sound to someone normal…normal…John and I…we weren't normal? I definitely wasn't...but John...he's different...you'd have to be different to put up with me.  
John began laughing too and the dim light danced across his features like it had earlier in the day. He had shadows under his eyes from lack of sleep but never the less those sweet grey eyes shone golden, his soft skin was slightly pink at his cheeks…His face was creased with early age…the age of war and worry…he'd lived so much in so little time…just like me.

"It's good you're not working with Moriarty otherwise we'd be stuffed," John grinned, with a chuckle.  
And as Mycroft had told me, I didn't think, I just acted, I let my heart do the thinking.  
"Indeed," I said a little breathless, I leaned forward cupping John's face in one of my large hands, I rested my lips against his slowly and carefully and kissed him. I kept my eyes closed, pouring all my love for him into that one kiss.

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**I hope you liked this chapter...I loved writing it!**


	8. Confusion

Chapter 8: Confusion

The next thing I realised was I was on the floor, the chair that John had been sitting on was on it's side and John was standing a few feet away from it breathless and a little shaken.  
"What the HELL was that?" demanded John.  
I stood quickly and despite my natural reflexes I kept the veil of secrecy from falling upon my face. "John, I, I'm sorry…I, I should have told you before…" I gestured to where he had sat, "I'm sorry," I finished lamely.

John just stared for a few minutes before blurting out, "I thought you were asexual."  
"So did I…" I shrugged, "but I have been known to miss calculate."  
John still stared, still confused, still shaken and still very upset.  
I stepped forward reaching out a hand to comfort him but he stepped back so I gave up resting my arm against my side, "I'm sorry," I said again, "But when we were about to die…when I thought everything was over…all I could think about was you…and I released…I realised I, I," I winced…I couldn't say it…why not…why couldn't I…"That you weren't just a friend to me," I said…I hated it…I hated how I'd given up.

John considered this stepping forward to embrace me in a hug, "It's okay Sherlock, I know that was hard," I frowned, I had no idea what was going through his head…Did he like me back? Was he forgiving me? He pulled away softly, "You've never had a friend before me have you?" he asked.  
I nodded, "You're my first and only friend."  
He smiled, "I think you're mixing up strong friendship with stronger feelings Sherlock."  
I nearly fell over, "Sorry?" I asked unsure if I'd heard him correctly, I had just told him…roughly, that I loved him.

"You've never had a friend before…so you've never known how much to love that friend…fair enough too," John smiled, "I've had friends who have had single children, the children don't mix well and end up not having friends…then they think they are in love with..." John went on and on about people he knew and patients he'd worked with…I wondered if this is what people felt like when I treated them like lab rats…

I turned away from him and began walking towards the kitchen, "I'm very sorry John," I said letting the dark veil fall upon my face, "You're right, I am a little excited about everything, I must have mixed up my feelings. I'm making tea, would you like some?" I asked reaching into the fridge for the milk and grabbing some things from the cupboard.

"That would be lovely, thanks," John said he sounded slightly concerned, "I hope you're not embarrassed are you? It's completely normal, being socially unaware is completely normal, depends who you are."  
I nodded and turned smiling again, "No I'm not I'm...just a little surprised by myself that's all, not much shocks the great Sherlock Holmes," and I turned back to my work, as soon as I was looking away I let the fake smile drop.

He didn't understand…he was giving himself a logical excuse for something that was making him uncomfortable. Logically, because logic was all there was, love didn't exist…not for Sherlock Holmes anyway, logically according to the clues and facts John did not share the feelings…I had "thought" I'd felt. Maybe he was right though, maybe I just loved John as a friend…maybe my emotions were mixed up…I was still not used to the idea of it all…the idea of love.

* * *

**Aw poor Sherlock...What will happen next?**


	9. Can't Be Bothered

Chapter 9: Can't Be Bothered

That night I lay awake still dressed on my made bed. John's phone lay beside me, three messages playing across its screen. I couldn't move my arm, I couldn't be bothered, I just wanted to lay here…Why couldn't I lay here forever? Why couldn't I stay here forever? The phone buzzed again, another message. I sighed, moving my arm a few centimetres across the bed till my fingers felt the cold phone beneath them. I picked it up and pressed on the oldest message.

_How did things go with you and John? Did you do it tonight? Or will you wait longer? Did the knowledge I gave you help? Please answer._

_MH_

I grimaced and pressed on the second:

_Sherlock? Is everything okay?_  
_Your concerned brother,_  
_MH_

I deleted both messages straight away and didn't bother looking at the third as it was also from my brother. It was not that I was angry with him…no…I was actually very grateful for his help…even if it hadn't worked…no, I just didn't want to talk to him…not yet anyway.

The last message and most recent was from a private number. I clicked on it and read the following message:

_You know you can always call me Sherlock. I know where you live. I know what you are up to. I know your life like I know this town._  
_Don't bother with the police or government; the information you sought early in the day has already been "lost" as your friend, Lestrade, put it._

_Do ring, it gets awfully lonely being the only one out of two intelligent humans on this stupid planet. You know I will always answer even when there's boyfriend trouble. ;D _

_All my love to the Doctor,_  
_Jim Moriarty_

I considered answering to the annoying bastard but thought better of it…that's what he wants me to do…I sighed again…if only this day had gone differently…now there would be nothing to do…nothing to distract him…both from life and…John.

"Oh John…if only you could understand my feelings properly," I sighed again. This week would be a long one…

* * *

**Poor Sherlock...gees...I should really lay off on the angst...oh...you might not like me after the next chapter...heh...heh.**

**Please review. Next chapter is ready when you are!**


	10. Bored

Chapter 10: Bored

The week went slowly, no cases…nothing. Lestrade had shouted at me for hacking the police computers…the codes had only worked once and I hadn't wanted to call Mycroft for them again. I had told him it was an experiment…he had shouted at me more and muttered something about that always being my excuse.

John didn't seem to notice any change in me, although Lestrade did ask me once if I was alright, I don't think anyone else did either. I talked less, I didn't need to talk anyway, the crimes I was called in were petty and simple. Lestrade could even work them out…and blindfolded. Anderson berated me for the lost information on Moriarty and sergeant Donovon called me a bastard for punching him.

Boring…a boring week. John was out, out with his girl friend, out having fun. My heart was colder than normal and I craved a strong smoke but I settled for nicotine patches instead. After about five of them and a search of all the draws for a gun I gave up. I slumped on the couch and stared at the mess I had made. Paper's scattered the floor, book's lay half opened here and there, draws were left open and clothes were slumped over every bit of furniture. I brushed a sock off from the pillow I lay my head on and sighed.

Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

I highly doubted that bored was a good explanation for what I was now. But it would have to do…unless I decided to invent a new word, which technically I could do having, a brother in charge of half the country did have it's pluses. I would have already shot holes in Mrs Hudon's wall but John had hidden his gun, I should really get my own…or a set of them in fact. I steeped my fingers together and tried to remember the names of all the planets in the solar system…just to pass the time.

"Earth, Saturn, Mars, Jupiter…" Fuck this! I got up, there was no use I was never going to be able to slow this mind down properly. I strode over to my room, stepping on all the scattered items. I thought I'd never use this…well, I had it just encase…but I thought with my smoking addiction gone I wouldn't ever use this. Lucky for me Lestrade hadn't looked in my desk draw last time he was over.

I pulled the draw and stared at the evil thing. The hypodermic needle glistened in the lamplight invitingly. I reached in and held it firmly, I rolled the object in my hand, how could something so evil and bad for you make someone like me smile…I guess I still hadn't forgotten the effects of the drug…they were…invigorating.

I reached to the back of the draw pulling out a vial of slightly milky white liquid. Once I had called this the liquid of life, then I called it the liquid of insanity and now…as I held it up to the golden light I smiled and whispered it's new name, "The liquid of satisfying distraction," I poured it carefully into the syringe, picking up a cloth on my way back to the couch.

I didn't hesitate, I knew what to do, I'd done it many times before. I tied the cloth in a not just below my shoulder, it was incredibly tight, but the tighter the better. The pressure from the cloth made my veins stick out and I could easily find the vein I wanted. The syringe penetrated my skin, piercing the vein and I pushed the piston down. I gasped as the burn began to make it's way up my arm, I pulled the cloth from my arm with all my energy and collapsed back into the couch, my eyes blurred and my body burned…and if felt…

…So good.

* * *

**Friend after reading chapter: I think Sherlock's bored...**

**Me: No shit.**

**Thanks for reading. Please review!**


	11. Drugs Are Definitely Not The Answer

Chapter 11: Drugs Are Definitely Not The Answer

My breathing was fast and my heart rate had increased. The cocaine burned, burned my veins, my soul, lighting my heart like a fire and I didn't care. I grinned stupidly, my mouth was dry and no matter how much I licked my lips they felt cracked and…brilliant.

I knew that after all this I would have a terrible headache…I knew that my eyes would have dilated pupils…I also knew that John could walk in any second and find me like this. But who cares? Let him find me. Maybe he'd worry so much he'd admit to his feelings…maybe he'd slip…

The door closed quietly, I would have looked but I already knew who it would be. I grinned again, let him see me like this…let him see the great Sherlock Holmes reduced to a druggy.

John stepped forward, anxiety and worry contorting his face to make it him look older and wiser.  
"Sherlock?" he asked.  
I laughed, "John."  
"Why on earth would you do this?" he asked again, putting a hand to my face.  
I sighed, closing my eyes and leaning into it. I didn't need to answer, surely?

He must have put two and two together and worked out what I wanted, what I needed…Because I felt his lips against mine, soft and wet. They were questioning, "Do you still want this?" They were asking.  
I kissed back, putting an arm around his back and pulling him on top of me. I began kissing down his neck, I could feel him hardening and I grinned, he had wanted me. I unbuttoned his shirt and ran my hands over his chest, kissing down his shoulder blade.

I let my hands stroke down his abdomen and I felt him shiver. I laughed, "John," he looked down at me, sweet arousal plain on his face, "I love you," I whispered.  
"I love you too, Sherlock," he smiled. I had my hands on his stomach and I dropped them just an little lower till they were at his pants, I gave John a questioning look

I grinned and collapsed into the chair, I smiled up at John, his shirt hung off his shoulders and his chest was bare. He was kneeling over my crotch, both his legs at my hips, both of us hard.

I closed my eyes and sighed. I reached out to grab him and pull him closer to me but I felt nothing. I opened my eyes with shock and my arms fell to my side, limp, sweat covered my body, my breathing was fast, my heart rate had increased, my arousal was clear…but there was no John atop me.

I couldn't stop the tears when they came…I wanted John, I needed John…But he was gone…Sarah was more important than me. Of course she was. I cried and cried, my body burned my head was fuzzy and my heart was cold.

* * *

**Poor Sherlock...**

**Am I going to say this in every chapter? **

**You're so damn mean to him! *Tells self off* *Whimper* Sorry.**


	12. I'm Sorry

Chapter 12: I'm Sorry

I had to push myself to get up. I ended up crawling to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and drowned the dirt from my eyes, lying in the hot water till I felt awake enough to walk. I climbed onto my bed and collapsed, undoing the first few buttons of my shirt. I didn't know how long I was out of it but after awhile I was woken by screams and someone calling my name.

"Sherlock! Sherlock it's a dream, wake up."  
"John?" I asked, opening my eyes slowly.  
"Yes Sherlock, wake up."  
I looked up to see John, he had a worried expression on his face. Was I still hallucinating? I coughed and pushed him away, sitting up and pushing the hair from my eyes, "What?" I asked. He still stared.  
"Sherlock you look terrible…" he said, "I found…You're taking drugs, aren't you?"  
"Very observant of you John, indeed I am," I answered a little cruelly, buttoning up my shirt.

A hand gripped my shoulder and I was spun around, "How can you do that to yourself?" he demanded angrily.  
"By taking the syringes and filling it wi-"  
"This is no joke Sherlock!" he shouted.  
"I know," I sat down on the bed, "I couldn't help it…I was bored…I…sorry."  
"Doesn't matter," John said still angry, "You don't have anymore do you?" he asked.  
"No," I said honestly, "I've been saving that for a while…"

John sighed and sat beside me, "Really though…Why did you take it?"  
I shrugged, "I was bored…" and sad you wouldn't believe me.  
John nodded, "When Lestrade did a drug bust…you said you were clean…"  
I laughed, "I lied of course," I shook my head, "But I was clean at the time…hadn't taken any for months…"  
"Months…only months?" John looked so worried, it was sweet actually, maybe I should take drugs more often.

"I've been taking them for years…" I said, "Only take it when I'm bored…"  
"Do you promise not to do it again?" he asked, patting my leg.  
I looked down at the hand that sat on my leg and sighed pushing it away, "Sorry John, I can't do that…"  
He frowned, "I guess I can't make you…but as a doctor as your friend, please don't."  
I nodded, "I'm sorry."

John nodded and stood, "I know."  
I looked him over, he looked tired, upset, angry…but something else…  
"What happened," I asked.  
He laughed sadly, "I'm sure you already know…" and he left.  
I did know…Sarah had left him, they had shouted…but that was all I could deduce in my drugged condition.

I kicked off the floor and catapulted myself onto the bed. I bounced once before gravity set in. I lay there…I grabbed my laptop from my table and opened it, my fingers hovering over the keys…It was late, one in the morning.

I sighed, what to do? I should probably get back to my website…although what would I write? I wonder if John would be on is laptop now…Would he be typing up an entry for his blog? There was an easy way to find out…just read his blog webpage…or…I could…I shouldn't…I could though. I could hack his laptop screen and watch what he typed…even if he never uploaded the page onto the blog.

* * *

**Ooh...If he looks what will he see!**


	13. Can't Resist

Chapter 13: Can't Resist

I read through the blog page quickly, it was sad and I felt sorry for John…I really should have taken the drugs today…

_Dr. John Watson's Blog: :Not The Best Day_

_My girlfriend broke up with me. I guess it's kind of my fault, I wouldn't stop talking about Sherlock and I…and all the adventures we go on. She says that one day I'll get myself killed, I'll get my friends or family killed. I sounded like a little child with a new toy, she said and I guess I did. My hearts gone cold, I'm forgetting that these are real people I'm talking about. I think Sherlock's rubbing off on me. My girlfriend asked me to stop being friends with him or to at least stop going on these dangerous escapades. I refused…How could anyone give this up?_

I waited for more to be typed…I waited a long time…but finally he started to type, slowly as if he were thinking if he should even put this in the blog or not.

_My flatmate took drugs today, of course being a doctor I was furious, I shouted and told him off. But still he refuses to quit._

I really hoped he wouldn't upload that…I didn't need Lestrade giving me the drug talk…again. Thankfully John did delete the sentence…and this time typed quicker…The change in his writing was obvious…no longer formal…I could tell he was just writing for the sake of it…this would not go up on the blog page.

_Sherlock kissed me the other day…and told me he liked me…What was I supposed to say? He's asexual, he'd always told me and everyone else that he was married to the job…and suddenly he's telling me he likes me…Sigh…The first thing that came to mind was that Sherlock was only excited, he was confused with friendship and true love…Who wouldn't be if they had never had a proper friend? But at night…he calls my name…he asks me to come sit with him…he's been down ever since I told him what I thought…But Sherlock being Sherlock…well I don't know if he's just embarrassed or actually upset with the way I took the situation._

I bit my lip and read along as the words typed out…

_He took drugs tonight…I found him on his bed, he was hallucinating…He kept saying things…things that I never expected Sherlock to say…things I never would have believed to come out of his mouth had I not seen and heard them myself…What do I do? I…I know that I feel_

I quickly closed the lid…This was not right Sherlock…you should not be reading this…This is bad…bad for your friendship…People don't do this…Yes they fucking do, I could take another peek and know the truth…NO! You can't do this…Poor John doesn't know you're watching…But what was he going to say! I could- No you can't! But just one peek- No…I can't…I can't…I owe it to John…all the things I push him into…he deserves privacy…

I sighed and lay down, stupid, polite, annoying brain…I'll have to give it a good talking to…but in the morning…should sms Mycroft too…Oh John? Please understand my stupid idiot of a heart…I need you…I never should have told people I was asexual…never should have kept so far away from the opposite sex let alone the same…Should have tried to be normal…Should have…Should have…Should have…too late now…too…late…too…la-

* * *

_I wonder if he'll dream about me tonight…I wonder if I should talk to him honestly about things…I've never liked a guy…not the way Sherlock was implying…Sherlock's great…So's Sarah…she dumped me though…When's Sherlock ever left me? He saved me when I was taken by Moriarty…the way he's face contorted in pain…Maybe he can feel love…Maybe he does feel love for me…And for the strange and unlikely chance he does…could I ever…Could I ever feel love for Sherlock, for a man?_

_

* * *

_

**So I hope you liked this chapter, I enjoyed writing it...Please review, it's very much apreciated.**

**Thanks to all the people reading this BTW! I don't think I've ever had so many people reading one of my stories**


	14. Maple Syrup

Chapter 14: Maple Syrup

I heard quiet footsteps approach my bedroom door, then a knock…John's knock…not Mrs Hudson's.  
"Hmm?" I mumbled, spitting hair out of my mouth…fuck I felt bad…  
The door creaked open and John walked in slowly, he stepped over to the bed and leaned down, "You look terrible," he said with a smile.  
I squinted, "Thank you for that fascinating observation," I mumbled before burying my face in the pillow, my raven black curls falling around me.

John chuckled, "Would you like some breakfast?" he asked.  
"No." I said immediately.  
"Shame…" he pretended to be disappointed, "I guess more pancakes for me."  
I groaned, he knew how much I loved pancakes.  
"Come on Sherlock all you have to do is sit up…I'll even bring the food in just this once…"  
"If this is an attempt to try and coax me out of doing drugs again, It won't work," I said into my pillow.  
"Of course it won't…Would you like maple syrup with that?"

* * *

I sat and ate my pancakes quietly. John sat at the end of the bed, his plate upon a tray sitting on the sheets. He ate quietly too, the silence was indeed deafening.  
"Sh-"  
"Jo-"  
We asked in unison…both chuckling after, I gestured with my fork for him to start but he shook his head, "You were first," he said.  
"Actually John, you were a millisecond before me."  
"Oh?" he raised an eyebrow, "Even in this condition your mind still works perfectly?"  
"My mind rebels stagnation," I said with a mouth full of pancakes and blackberries, very gentlemen-like Sherlock…Well done.  
John smiled, "Yes Sherlock," it amused him it seemed.

"So, go on," I gestured again with my fork.  
He sighed and rolled his eyes before shuffling in awkwardness, "About the other day…" he started, "When you…you know," I noted John's blush…maybe we shouldn't talk about it…although…A blush? That technically meant he thought it was more than just an accident…Oh…Oh!  
"Yes," I nodded keeping a straight face.  
"Well…I said that you were mixed up with the feelings you were feeling…I'm not sure though…I'm a doctor yes…but…The point is-"  
"You think there's more?" I asked.  
"Maybe." John admitted, "You've been calling my name in the night…and when you were drugged you…you said…things…" he trailed off.

I couldn't help but smile, "So you finally believe what I say?"  
He frowned, "This whole time…" he put his head in his hands, "you've been…pretending this whole time…" he suddenly looked up, "that's why you were taking the drugs…to distract yourself..."  
I smiled kindly, "Don't worry John," as long as he knew I liked him it didn't matter…Did it?…I didn't want to have to pretend anymore…yes I would long for him…yes I'd want him…but at least I wouldn't have to be that scared about showing it… "I promise not to kiss you again…" I needed to make sure I didn't make things too awkward though…John might leave.  
John bit his lip and moved a little, he looked awkwardly at his hands…so much for that notion.  
"John," I put a hand out and touched his arm, "I don't want this to make you feel awkward…" I sat up, "Do you want me to leave?"

John laughed, "No, no…sit."  
I sat, he wriggled on the spot and finally sat on the back of his heels, this looked very uncomfortable but he seemed to find it suitable.  
"I was just a little…I'm just a little surprised…you know…"  
I nodded, but I didn't know.  
"I need to get some things straight," he said.  
I lent down a bit, and knelt my chin on my hands, listening intently.  
"Do you like men?" he asked.  
"No," I answered truthfully.  
"Do you like woman?"  
"No," I said again.  
"But you like me?" he asked.  
I nodded, "A lot."

To my utter surprise John suddenly used the propulsion from his heels to throw himself at me. His lips smacked against mine, nervous and trembling, my eyes were still wide, I could feel his stiff body against me…he was so tense. I recovered and put a hand on his waist and another on his shoulder, I moved my mouth around his and he slowly began to soften…and then join in. His lips were wet and sweet from the maple syrup and I could feel my body tingling with delight. We kissed for awhile, our breathing increasing and I'd expect our hearts as well, I knew John wanted to please me…I just hoped this wasn't against his will or just an act…

* * *

**Would I be right in saying...that some fangirls just fell off their seats...I'm guessing a lot of you have been waiting for something like this to happen in my story...sorry it took so long. XD **

**The angst is just too good to pass up...**

**Just out of curiosity did anyone see the reference to the old Sherlock Holmes TV show...the one with Jeremy Brett as Sherlock...**

**I'm sorry I'm obsessed...I'd doubt if anyone recognised the quote...**


	15. Hysterical

Chapter 15: Hysterical

I lent back slowly and looked John in the eye. His were light grey, nearly white, I noted, they seemed to change each day with his mood. My hands were still at his neck and waist and he didn't move away so I kept them there. I watched as confusion and guilt flashed through his eyes. Finally I felt him move slightly and I let my hands drop. He looked down and I was afraid this had made things even more awkward…although that was hardly my fault…He had kiss me…Shit. He had kissed me!

"John?" I asked warily.  
"Yeah…"  
"Are you okay?" I asked.  
"Yeah," he said.  
"So?"  
He shook his head, "Um…I can't really answer that yet," he looked up at me and laughed awkwardly pointing to his head, "My brain's a lot slower than yours…just let me," he stood and walked to the door, "I need some fresh air."

I sat there silently…My head was racing, my heart was pounding…John was confused…I was confused. That kiss…It had felt brilliant. John had kissed me. God, he'd kissed me. I couldn't believe it. What did this mean? I sighed, this week had been so confusing…

My mobile buzzed and I picked it up, reading the message:

_With the amount of enemies you poses, I think it not wise that you refuse to answer me when I call. You may be upset or angry but I don't see why you can't just give me heads up that you're safe. I will call next time you fail to answer…if you do not pick up then I will call John._

_MH_

I chuckled and began typing a reply, I pressed send and lent against the bed smiling up at the ceiling.

_Things went badly.  
He thought I was confused with my feelings.  
Broke up with his girlfriend.  
Heard me calling his name last night.  
Kissed me today…needed to think things over, so he's out.  
SMS me or I won't answer._

_SH_

I'd left out the bit about me taking drugs…no need to worry my brother any more than he already did. I laughed and I couldn't stop, I think it was post drug use or something…I was hysterical.

_That is a good result; I hope things work out, good luck. Please keep me posted, you know I worry. Calling is more convenient but for your sake I will revert to this primitive discourse._

_MH_

"Good old Mycroft," I stopped laughing and frowned in utter disbelief of what I had just said. I never thought those words would leave my mouth…Never again will I see things the same. For all I knew pigs could fly past my window at any second…I laughed and for a second frowned…I hope this wore off…I sounded like an idiot on drugs…Oh wait.

I fell to the floor in laughter.

* * *

**I was high...therefore Sherlock...became high...was, is...high.**


	16. Awkward

Chapter 16: Awkward

By lunchtime I'd calmed down enough to walk and talk normally. Mrs Hudson came up to see what the racket was…I decided on going with part of the story…I didn't think she'd like me much if I told her the truth. I said that I'd been drugged…which wasn't hard to believe in my state obviously. She gave me some strong liquid that smelt of lemon, broccoli and peanuts and didn't taste much different and left me to clean myself up.

I was sitting on the couch, my arms wrapped around my legs, watching some comedy romance on TV when my phone buzzed with a message.

_I'm sorry. I just can't. This is too weird. I'm not gay and I just can't. I'm staying with a friend this is just too awkward._

_Sorry  
John_

My heart sank…and I felt myself melt into the couch. It had made it worse…I should have left this to friendship…I could have survived with friendship…Why did I have to kiss him.

I quickly typed back a reply.

_I'm sorry John. I never meant it to be awkward.  
Please come home.  
I won't ever bring it up again.  
Please._

_SH_

The reply was immediate.

_Sherlock, it's not you…It's just…I can't, I'm sorry.  
Just leave me alone for a while…Let me work things out.  
Give me some distance…I'm not going anywhere.  
I promise never to leave without telling you._

_John_

I collapsed back into the couch…oh god…_Never to leave without telling you_…But that…it suggested that he possibly would leave…Oh lord Jesus Christ…I let out a whimper…fuck I sounded like a moody teenage girl…fuck this…fuck everything…I forwarded the message to Mycroft…It made my insides burn with frustration but I didn't want to loose this friendship I had with him. I sighed, not again…and this time I didn't have any drugs to distract me.

* * *

Lestrade contacted me soon after and asked me to come and look at a recent crime scene. It was hard to move but with great effort I rose from the couch and shuffled to the door. I gabbed my coat and pulled it on, I slumped down the stairs and nearly got out the door when Mrs Hudson saw my appearance.

"Sherlock!" she exclaimed, "You cannot go out looking like that," she tsked, "This just won't do." She pushed me back up the stairs and easily got me into the bathroom. She locked the door behind me and I stood stupidly staring at the wall…Bathroom…What do you do in a bathroom again?

* * *

**Um...Poor Sherlock?**

**Please review!**


	17. Under The Floorboards

Chapter 17: Under The Floorboards

Once I'd showered, washed my hair, brushed my teeth and changed into new clothes that Mrs Hudson had laid out for me, I stepped out of the bathroom feeling more like myself.  
Mrs Hudson grinned at me and I smiled back at her, "Thank you," I said.  
She shook her head, "I don't know, Sherlock," she said, looking over me like she was a mother chicken and I was her newly hatched egg, "You just ain't yourself lately," she saw me frown, "I'm not saying it's a bad thing," she smiled kindly, "It suits you…makes you more…human," and then she left.  
I sighed…I must admit I hadn't done anything Sherlock-y since the incident with Moriarty…Was I growing soft? Maybe that was my problem.

I left 221b with a little hope that this day might actually be interesting. When I arrived at the crime scene to find no one but Lestrade I smiled…He was wearing his usual suit but covered in the hideous blue thing that one had to wear to keep from contaminating evidence…I had had a huge argument with him about me being of higher intelligence and actually looking at what I was doing therefore this would give me the right not to wear the stupid outfit. I won.

"Lestrade," I nodded.  
"You look tired," he said, looking me over.  
"What's the matter?" I asked ignoring his statement.  
"The body was found under the floor boards-" he began.  
"Under?" I raised my eyebrows, "Under the floor boards."  
He nodded, "The family moved in just two days ago…said they had bad dreams and kept feeling like they were being watched…something began to stink up the place…took the floor boards up and a week old corpse was found," Lestrade swallowed, "The family moved out soon after."

I nodded, "Fair enough."  
Lestrade lead me into the bedroom as I pulled on white latex gloves, "The body was here four days before the family moved in and a day after they came to collect the keys."  
I nodded and stepped forward, the middle four floorboards were pulled up and a half decomposed corpse lay in the crack, "Where is everyone?" I asked, "Why haven't you taken the corpse back to the lab for testing?"  
"I thought you'd want to see it beforehand…I called you in early."  
I smiled, "You're learning quickly."

After about three minutes I stood and pulled off my latex gloves.  
"Got anything?" Lestrade asked hopefully.  
"Not much," I said.  
Lestrade nodded waiting for some information.  
"It's a man, early twenties, he's a doctor, likes writing… his muscles are more obvious on his left hand indicating he was left handed, he was walking home, see this wound here," I bent down and traced the air inches above a gash, "This skin is being pushed out, therefore he was stabbed in the back…He has a slightly shocked expression but not so much that he had enemies and just didn't expect to be killed…no this was an innocent man, he never ever expected this, he's also married and with two children."  
I looked back at Lestrade to make sure he followed, he stared his mouth slightly open, "Not much?" he asked.  
I shrugged.  
"Anything about the murderer?" he asked.  
"No," I sighed, "The corpse is far too old for me to make out the proper size of the wound and the object used to create it, but I'd expect it to be a large knife…there's no sawing around the edge of the wound, a clean stab, I'm guessing with a sharp kitchen knife…"

* * *

I was sliding into the taxi, everyone was arriving and Lestrade was just about to close the door when he smiled and asked, "Where's the doctor?"  
I watched as his smile fell…I wonder what expression I'd given for him to respond in that way…but the door had already closed and the taxi was pulling out onto the road.

It was only later that I realised the coincidences in the murder.  
A male doctor, likes writing.  
Stabbed in the back, left for a week.  
I gritted my teeth. _Moriarty._

_

* * *

_

**Sorry this took so long...kinda busy...**

**Please Review people!**


	18. Love Letters From A Stalker

Chapter 18: Love Letters From A Stalker

I stared down at the letters covering my desk; all were addressed to me with the same feminine cursive writing. I had opened them all and read through each…

_The Detective and the Doctor sitting in the tree,  
K I S S I N G_

JM

Who does a Doctor go to when he himself is hurt?  
Who does a Detective go to when he himself is the victim of the case?

JM

Sherlock why don't you ring me?  
Sherlock please do?  
Answer me soon or I'll steal John's key.  
I know where he is, too.

JM

Hello, Hello baby you called, I can't hear a thing,  
I have got no service in the club ya see, see.  
What, what, what did you say you're breaking up on me.  
Sorry I can't hear you I'm kinda busy, ka-kinda busy.  
Ka-kinda busy.  
Ka-kinda busy.  
Sorry I can't hear you I'm kinda busy.

JM

Sherlock my love, if he does not ring, then I'll have you my love.  
We can wait under the apple tree together, run forever.  
What ever you want baby, I'm free, I'm waiting.  
Just call me baby, I love you baby.

JM

Stop dissing me darling.  
Stop rejecting me honey.  
I'm missing you darling.  
Come home with me baby.

JM

You're just too good to be true,  
Can't keep my eyes off you.

JM

I let the last one drop from my fingers and rested my head in my hands. I let out a whimper and tears began to fill my cupped palms. I sniffed and cried and my heart inside tried to hold itself together. I suddenly felt hands on my shoulders and I stiffened…At first my heart fluttered and I thought it was John…but no…these hands were smaller, firmer…colder.

I spun in my chair and pushed away, I nearly fell, "Moriarty?" I gasped. How the hell did he get in here?…And how did I not notice him?…Why is he here?  
He grinned at me, his figure was concealed by darkness, only the pearly white pointed teeth were visible, his Cheshire cat grin. "Hello Sherlock," he whispered, his voice was like silk it drifted through the room, disturbing nothing.  
"What do you want?" I demanded, my voice the complete opposite, I reached for the gun that I knew wouldn't be at my side and grimaced.  
Moriarty held it up, "Looking for this?" he asked.  
I gritted my teeth and he chuckled again, "I see you got my letters," he gestured to my desk, "Did you like them?"

"No."  
The grin morphed into a pout, "Shame."  
He stepped forward, placing the gun carefully on the desk.  
I stood my ground, "You didn't answer, What do you want?" I asked again.  
"I thought we covered that," he said, stepping closer, "I want your soul Sherlock, I want your heart, I want to burn it…I want to burn _you._"

I let out a cold laugh, "Yeah…"  
I watched his every step, if he stepped once more to the right I could grab the gun from the desk and shoot him in the chest. Quick, simple…easy…right?  
"Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock…" he shook his head with every word, "I know how your mind thinks, I know how those cogs turn, the gun is empty…" he reached for it and threw it to me, grinning.  
I checked it none the less but it was indeed empty.

When I looked back Moriarty was standing two steps closer a handbreadth away, he smiled up at me, "That's another reason why we'd be perfect together," he said reaching out a hand to stroke my cheek. I recoiled at the touch, shock obviously written all over my face.  
"Oh Sherlock," he chuckled, "I think you might be blushing…You didn't think you were the only one with a little crush did you?"  
I didn't answer as he closed the distance between us again, "I'm perfect for you detective, more than intelligent, maybe even a challenge for the great Sherlock Holmes, I'm powerful, I'm rich, I'll never leave you…"  
I closed my eyes, "Go away," I said through my teeth.

He chucked again, "Don't think you can get away that easily from me," and suddenly he was kissing me. The kiss was strong, it held little warmth…but what did you expect from a man like Moriarty? The kiss was like dark chocolate and tobacco and it was warming my stomach. I never moved my lips, I resisted…but oh god was it hard to. I nearly forgot about John…John! John…I love John. Not Moriarty! John!

I shoved Moriarty away, "Get out!" I shouted.  
He chuckled and I punched him, he staggered back in shock.  
"Fuck off Moriarty and leave me fucking alone!"

He laughed again, holding a hand to his bleeding nose, "Aren't we a naughty boy…"  
Why is he so…so…happy…He's insane…he is a complete lunatic…I raised my fist again, ready to punch.  
Moriarty backed up to the window, still keeping a grin on behind his cupped hand, blood dripped down the front of it and even so, he continued to laugh. He reached the open window and stepped up on the sill, he crouched, the moonlight silhouetting his dark figure. He grabbed something from his pocket flicking the red stained material into the room before slipping out.

I collapsed onto the couch, the parchment floated to the floor, landing at my feet.

_I know you want me; I know you want a partner with intelligence.  
If we can't be partners then what about colleagues.  
If you refuse there will be consequences, my dear.  
Bloody chaotic consequences…_

Sincerely, your arch-enemy and closest companion,

_Moriarty_

* * *

**Sorry this took so long. **

**Please review!**


	19. Unwanted Riddles and Codes

Chapter 19: Unwanted Riddles and Codes

I was lying on the couch when Lestrade knocked on my door, "Come in," I called.

He stepped in looking flustered and dishevelled; he looked around the room before seeing me on the couch. He stepped over, "Sherlock?" he asked.  
"Yes, What is it? I'm kind of busy…"  
He looked for some kind of indication that I was telling the truth and ended up ignoring my lie, "We've been sent a…strange letter…"  
I laughed, "I've been sent a few," I said gesturing to my desk.

"We think it's from Moriarty," Lestrade said, standing over me awkwardly, an angry look on his face…I don't think he liked my lack of excitement or horror.  
I sat up, "Sit," I ordered.  
Lestrade sat, he shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out a letter and a brown paper bag, I raised an eyebrow.  
"These were sent along with the letter."  
I reached for the letter and bag and put them in my lap. I looked over the letter, it had the same neat writing that was on all the one's that were sitting on my desk. I opened it and began to read.

_../-/.-/-./.-/-/-.../.-.././.-./.../..././.-./.-../-/-.-./-.-/.-/-./-../../.../-/.-././-.-/-/..-/.-/../.-../.-../.-../../-.-/./-/.../../.../-././.-/-./.-/-/./../...-/./-./-/-/-.-/-/..-/.-.-.-/-.-/-/..-/.-../-/.../././../-/..././.-./.-/.-/-.-/-..-/-/.../-/..-/-./.../-/-.-/-.././.-/.-./../-/.../..-/.-././-.-/-/..-/-.-./.-/-./..-./-/.-./-./../...-/./-/./.-.-.-/_

Your clue is: Choices

-/./.-../.-../-/./-/..././.-/-./.../.-/./.-./-/-/-/.../../.../.-./../-../-../.-.././.-/-./-../-/..././.-/-./.../.-/./.-./.-/../.-../.-../..././.-../.-./-.-/-/..-/..-./../-./-../-/..././-././-..-/-/...-/../-.-./-/../-/-...

.Coot dHoohdlihc rOuoy dIna sCeimene rEuoy dSna sCeno dHevol rOuoy dIloh IC ,Ewenk eScno uCoy tHaht O sIgniht dCna tEsol eScno uCoy tHaht sOgniht eIvah IC .Ekcirb oSn hCtiw sHesuoh eOvah II .Cdnas tEuohtiw sStresed eCvah IH .Odoow tIuohtiw sCtserof eEvah IS  
.Cretaw tHuohtiw sOees eIvah IC  
ES

"Do you have a pen and some paper?" I asked Lestrade.  
He nodded and passed them to me. I set to work, the code was a simple one, one used by many. After a few minutes I passed the paper back to Lestrade, he read, his frown turning into a grimace.

_I'm a gambler Sherlock and I hope you will like this new game I've got you.  
You lose either way, though my dear I'm sure you can forgive me._

Your clue is: Choices

Tell me the answer to this riddle and the answer will help you find the next victim:

.Coot dHoohdlihc rOuoy dIna sCeimene rEuoy dSna sCeno dHevol rOuoy dIloh IC ,Ewenk eScno uCoy tHaht sIgniht dCna tEsol eScno uCoy tHaht sOgniht eIvah IC .Ekcirb oSn hCtiw sHesuoh eOvah II .Cdnas tEuohtiw sStresed eCvah IH .Odoow tIuohtiw sCtserof eEvah IS  
.Cretaw tHuohtiw sOees eIvah IC  
ES

"What does the rest say?" Lestrade asked.  
"I don't know…" I grabbed the bag and reached in, pulling our six vials of red liquid. "Blood?" I asked.  
Lestrade nodded, "Mine, Molly's, John's and three other people."  
I nodded and looked up to see Lestrade's face, he looked very uncomfortable, "I'm guessing you have no idea how he got your blood."  
He nodded, "Very unnerving…"  
I smiled, "Don't worry, I'll work this out and have the information back to you in no time, for now though I would keep an eye on Molly and yourself."  
Lestrade nodded and left.

I grabbed my phone.

_Be careful.  
Moriarty has a new game for me.  
He gave me a vial of your blood.  
Be careful and stay safe.  
SH_

* * *

**Sorry this took a while...**

**I have no idea what's gonna happen next...BTW...**

**Please review!**

**Not sure how long the next chapter will take...so please, if you can, be patient. **

**(Don't let that stop you from nagging me to continue...I love to feel wanted. X3)**


	20. Easy

Chapter 20: Easy

The vials of blood sat on my desk, each had a little label on them; they were like that when they came. I knew that three of the six were Lestrade, Molly and John…all people I knew…Lestrades vial had a smiley face on it, Molly's had a circle and John's had a love heart. The three others had a frowning face, a star and a hexagon.

I put some of the blood, from the vial with the hexagon on it, under the microscope. The blood was familiar but I couldn't quite remember where I'd seen it…I got up and searched my blood cupboard…I kept small samples of everyone's blood in there so I would be able to identify blood easily…well that and for experiments…Anderson's blood was extremely useful when it came to experiments…

I realised that Moriarty could have actually stolen the blood from my own cupboard but after a few minutes checking I found everything in order. I pulled out a few samples and set to work.

After half an hour I'd worked out two of the three vials. The blood from the second two vials belonged to Sarah, John's girlfriend, and Mrs Hudson…But how on earth could he…Never mind this was Moriarty we were talking about. The next vial of blood was the easiest to identify out of the three…it was far too familiar for my liking…With the level of protection and technology he had I couldn't believe it when I found the blood belonging to my own brother, to Mycroft.

This was very troubling indeed…all these people…What did they have in common? Me…what they had in common was me…They all knew me…What was Moriarty up to. I decided the next step was to decode the first riddle…should be easy. I brought out the piece of paper and placed it on the desk.

_Your clue is: Choices_

.Coot dHoohdlihc rOuoy dIna sCeimene rEuoy dSna sCeno dHevol rOuoy dIloh IC ,Ewenk eScno uCoy tHaht O sIgniht dCna tEsol eScno uCoy tHaht sOgniht eIvah IC .Ekcirb oSn hCtiw sHesuoh eOvah II .Cdnas tEuohtiw sStresed eCvah IH .Odoow tIuohtiw sCtserof eEvah IS  
.Cretaw tHuohtiw sOees eIvah IC  
ES

I scanned the words for anything and grinned when I saw what I was looking for…Every second letter in the writing was capitalised and if you took them out and put them together they would spell out the word choices. I rewrote the message without the unwanted letters and looked over my work so far.

_.oot doohdlihc ruoy dna seimene ruoy dna seno devol ruoy dloh I ,wenk ecno uoy taht sgniht dna tsol ecno uoy taht sgniht evah I .kcirb on htiw sesuoh evah I .dnas tuohtiw stresed evah I .doow tuohtiw stserof evah I .retaw tuohtiw saes evah I_

The next thing I noticed was the full stops. So I rewrote it again, each time a full stop appeared I'd put it on another line.

_.oot doohdlihc ruoy dna seimene ruoy dna seno devol ruoy dloh I ,wenk ecno uoy taht sgniht dna tsol ecno uoy taht sgniht evah I  
.kcirb on htiw sesuoh evah I  
.dnas tuohtiw stresed evah I  
.doow tuohtiw stserof evah I  
.retaw tuohtiw saes evah I_

I laughed this was too easy, I could already tell what next to do. The wording was just reversed. I wrote down the decoded riddle and rested my head on my hands, thinking.

_I have seas without water.  
I have forests without wood.  
I have deserts without sand.  
I have houses with no brick.  
I have things that you once lost and things that you once knew,  
I hold your loved ones and your enemies and your childhood too._

I sighed…I have seas without water. I have forests without wood…Well that could be a map…but that didn't explain the two last sentences…Wait…you could think about all these things…No! You could remember…Memories! That's it! I grabbed my laptop logged onto my website "The Science Of Deduction" and wrote in my findings.

_Finished riddle.  
Easy.  
Answer: Memories_

And now all I had to do was wait for the next…but why on earth were the vials of blood needed.

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**Sorry this has taken so long...Please review!**


	21. In Danger

Chapter 21: In Danger

This time I woke to find a letter by my head. I turned over in bed and picked it up carefully, I opened the envelope and began to read.

_Well done my darling.  
There is indeed no tricking you.  
I thought you'd be happy to know two of your friends are in danger at this very moment.  
_

I sat up quickly.

_When you've completed this riddle I will give you the coordinates for both frowney face and smiley.  
But dear if you don't hurry they may have a little accident…_

I I have memories evah a a little elttil seiromem house esuoh in ni seiromem which hcihw I I live evil all lla seiromem alone. enola It tI has sah no on seiromem doors memories srood or ro windows, swodniw and dna if fi I I want tnaw to ot go og out tuo I I must tsum break kaerb through seiromem hguorht the eht wall. .llaw memories

I pulled my draw out and grabbed at the first paper I found. I found a pen at the back of it as well and rested the paper on my leg. I had to figure this out quickly…I had to. I promised Lestrade I'd have things worked out…and now he was somewhere out there with a gun to his head…Oh god…and Mrs Hudson…she'd never done anything remotely threatening. Why did he have to bring her into it?  
She'd hate me when- if I found her in time. NO! Don't think like that! Don't you dare!

My clue was memories…memories, memories, memories.  
"Ah," I rewrote the riddle messily, taking out all the memories in it, and put the pen to my lips…What now?

_I I have evah a a little elttil seiromem house esuoh in ni seiromem which hcihw I I live evil all lla seiromem alone. enola It tI has sah no on seiromem doors srood or ro windows, swodniw and dna if fi I I want tnaw to ot go og out tuo I I must tsum break kaerb through seiromem hguorht the eht wall. .llaw _

The next bit that caught my eyes was the ending. "the eht wall. .llaw"  
Those words were just copied and then flipped. "The the wall. wall."  
I took out the unwanted copies and then saw the same pattern in the beginning.

_I have a little seiromem house esuoh in ni seiromem which hcihw I I live evil all lla seiromem alone. enola It tI has sah no on seiromem doors srood or ro windows, swodniw and dna if fi I I want tnaw to ot go og out tuo I I must tsum break kaerb through seiromem hguorht the wall. _

I squinted…the pattern stopped at "seiromem" as it did at the end of the riddle…Memories! It was memories backwards…I then saw the pattern more clearly. I crossed out all the memories that I'd left and watched as the riddle began to become clearer and clearer

_I have a little house esuoh in ni which hcihw I I live evil all lla alone. enola It tI has sah no on doors srood or ro windows, swodniw and dna if fi I I want tnaw to ot go og out tuo I I must tsum break kaerb through hguorht the wall._

I turned the creased page over and wrote the rest on the back.

_I have a little house in which I live all alone. It has no doors or windows, and if I want to go out I must break through the wall._

And I noted the parts in the riddle.  
-Small  
-Alone  
-No doors  
-No windows  
-Have to break through walls to get out

I couldn't help see what Moriarty was trying to say, the bastard…and then it came to me. I grabbed my phone and ran out of my room, dressing while typing into my mobile. I pulled on my coat and ran out my flat's door and down the stairs, the sms flashed upon my screen three times before disappearing.

Chicken in an egg  
Chicken in an egg  
Chicken in an egg

I was Moriarty's chicken in the egg. He had full control of me, that's what he was saying. The only way I could break out of his control was by breaking the defences. Well I could do that. I would do that. But first…

* * *

**Sorry 'bout this...I reckon it's getting worse...I've lost all my inspiration...**

**Please review and once I've got more inspiration I'll update with a fantastic chapter! ;D**


	22. A Game Of Chess

Chapter 22: A Game Of Chess

I was in the Taxi when the sms came.

_I thought you'd use this number to call me…  
How disappointing, you've upset me…  
You'll have to be punished for this.  
I'll tell you where and just to make this even more fun, you've only got ten minutes till they go…well…Boom!_

JM

A file was attached, two GPS signals. I rang the first person I could think of, the only person that I knew could help me. He answered on the first ring, despite the time of day.

"What's happened? You never ring unless you hav-"  
"Two people are in danger. It's Moriarty. Only ten minutes. Need your assistance. Location being sent…now," and I hung up, I told the Taxi driver to step on it and we drove off.

We were making good time, my heart was racing and all I could think of was my friends in danger…I laughed a bit hysterically. Sherlock, with friends? Ha! I told the driver where to go, what routes to take…I bet the GPS was giving me the longest way there possible…But what could I honestly do…I had no way of working out the location myself. It didn't help that every few minutes my phone would buzz with a message from the man himself:

_1, 2 Hurry won't you_

But I had to keep checking, What if it were Mycroft?

_3, 4 This is fun. What about more?_

We reached the harbour right when my phone buzzed with the sixth minute.

_5, 6 Not a quick fix? _

I threw some money into the front of the car, not bothering to thank the driver. I ran off up the stairs and hit the railing of the harbour with great force. I looked around, where, where, where! Then I saw him. Under the bridge, just out of sight a man knelt. I could see that he was under pressure, his hands were raised behind his head and he was shaking. I ran across the bridge, my phone buzzed but I never looked at it. I jumped the railing onto the stairs and ran to meet the poor man.

I grabbed him by his shoulders, he was wearing a blindfold and quivered at my touch, "Lestrade it's me!" I said quickly, untying the damn thing and trying to quieten my friend…When had I become his friend? Did it really matter! The poor man was in bloody shock! My hands hovered over him, what do I do? I don't know how to comfort people.  
"I'm alright Sherlock," he muttered, his breathing was fast.  
I helped him to his feet and looked around for any sign of a sniper, but there was no one. I'd made it. Lestrade lent heavily on me and I helped him up the stairs and to the road where I pulled out my phone, ignoring the message from Moriarty and sms'ing Mycroft.

_Please tell me you made it.  
Need a car, harbour road. _

I sat Lestrade down on the steps, he held his head in his hands and I awkwardly put a hand on his shoulder. He smelt bad, but you would wouldn't you, after being threatened, probably locked up and the whole time knowing that you could die any second.  
"I'm…I'm sorry he brought you into this," I said unsure of what to exactly say.  
Lestrade laughed, "It's my job, he knew that we were colleagues and friends, it was only a matter of time."  
I nodded, so we _were_ friends, I smiled to myself despite the situation.

My pocket vibrated and I pulled it out as quickly as possible, fumbling with the keys, a message from Mycroft shone on the screen:

_Mrs Hudson is fine. She's in shock so I've personally taken her to the hospital where I will insure she is given the best of care. Happy to help brother. Call me when ever you want, with what ever help you need._

I laughed a little hysterically, "She's fine," I said breathing deeply, Lestrade noticed and I explained what Moriarty was doing, that he was playing a game, a dangerous game of chess, where my friends were the pawns…But when would this game come to checkmate? I hoped, as my friends were on the line, that the time came sooner rather than later.

Because I never liked chess.

* * *

***Dances around in a circle* I got my inspiration back! :D **

**I did a mega writing fest last night, so I'm back on track with all my fanfiction's.**

**I hope you liked this chapter. Please review!**


	23. You Are Mine

Chapter 23: You. Are. Mine

I collapsed onto my bed, exhausted, and it was only eight in the bloody morning. I decided I'd call John. Call? Bloody hell I must be exhausted.

I put the phone to my ear and waited while my mobile rang, _bring bring, bring bring, bring bring, bring bring, bring bring, bring bring, bring bring, bring bring, bring bring._ Just as I was about to hang up he answered.  
"Hello-"  
"Hi John, it's-"  
"Sorry I can't come to the phone right now," it was his bloody answering machine, I sighed but listened to the rest of it, "please leave your number and I'll get back to you as soon as possible, Sherlock what the hell-" I smirked I remembered that day, John was recording his answering machine and I had dumped a corpse on the table…He hadn't been too happy, plus his recording was stuffed, he had given up after that.

The beep sounded and I suppressed a laugh, "Hey John, it's Sherlock, I was just wondering…how you were…and…well…call me, won't you?"  
I hung up and dropped the phone onto my mattress; it bounced and landed a handbreadths away from where I'd dropped it. I lay my head down on the bed and wondered where John could be. Why didn't he answer? Had I disgusted him that much? Surely not, he'd been the one to kiss me.

I sighed and turned over, I was bored. How can I be bored? I just saved my friends life and now I'm bored. I was kind of disgusted with myself. Why was I so abnormal? Because being normal is boring. Again with the boredom.

"Sherlock?" a familiar sing-song voice called from my living room.  
I groaned, "What do you bloody want!" I asked angrily.  
"I just wanted to," the door swung open slowly, "Ooh in bed already Sherlock, I'm rather surprised."  
I looked up to see Moriarty's lopsided grin and dark eyes watching me with a strange animal-like look.  
"Piss off," I spat.  
He pouted, "Now now Sherlock, No way to treat your guest," he walked around so that he stood in front of me, "I came to congratulate you personally."  
"Fantastic. Thanks. Now leave," I turned over, knowing he'd want to give me his usual evil lecture of evil-doom.  
"If you hadn't patched up your relationship with your brother Mrs Hudson would now be dead," he said, ignoring my interruption.

I sighed, "I know," it _was_ the truth, just because I was intelligent didn't make me invincible. Without friends and family I'd truly be nothing. If I didn't have my brother, Lestrade and/or Ms Hudson would be dead…_But_if I didn't have friends, then there would be no one left for Moriarty to hurt. A paradoxical pyramid of relationship twists. I wasn't such an outcast after all.

I was suddenly pushed over and a warm body snuggled its way into my bed. I froze, "Mmm," mumbled Moriarty, snuggling his cold hands under my shirt, "You're nice and warm."  
It took me a while to realise what was happening before I leaped out of the bed and stood against the opposite wall. Moriarty stared up at me, a hurt expression on his face, "I don't understand you Sherlock, I give you what you want, I put a stop to your boredom...and still all you can think about it that little twat John Watson," he shook his head sadly, "He hasn't even answered any of your sms', do you really think he could ever love you back?"

I blinked, "He doesn't have to answer-"  
"But I know how much you want him to," Moriarty sat up and patted the mattress as an invitation to join him, "We could do so much more," he said, "We could be brilliant together and I'd hold nothing back," he winked, "You know I wouldn't," he pulled at his tie and undid the top button of his shirt, "Our love could outshine the sun," he stared at me, an honest to god loving expression warming his usually cold features, "I love you Sherlock."

I walked towards the bed slowly, a little dazed by what Moriarty had said just said, I stared at the skin on his neck he'd just revealed. I was confused, tired, sad and hurt…and I honestly didn't care what I did right now. I knelt down onto the mattress and crawled towards Moriarty. I sat beside him, still far enough away that we weren't intimately close, "You nearly killed my friends," I said slowly.  
"It's only a game," Moriarty muttered, his breath a little irregular as he began to stare at my lips.  
"They could have died," I said, lowering my voice unintendedly.  
"You would have gotten there in time," he whispered, moving closer, his dreamy black eyes staring at my neck hungrily.

I gulped, watching, fascinated as my enemy let his guard down, but the even more fascinating thing was that I was letting mine fall too. I never did that and if I ever would, I thought it would be for John. But my body was reacting definitely not the way I had indented it to. It would seem that I was either attracted to a very _very_bad man or I was so desperate for company. The worst thing about this situation, was that I was _going_to let it happen.

Moriarty raised a hand to my face and cupped it gently, I lent in towards him as he bent towards me. Our lips met and his cold mouth moved around mine simultaneously. His tongue licked the edges of my mouth, before venturing inside. It was sharp, like a snakes tongue, saliva like poison dripped from its tip making my mouth tingle. I sucked on it and he groaned. My eyes had shut long before and I felt my eyes fill with guilty tears. I ran my hands up and down the man's arm's, before pulling at his tie. I got it free from his neck and found my hands unbuttoning his shirt.

Moriarty chuckled dropping his hands to my own shirt except he wasn't so kind, he pulled hard on the cloth, a ripping sound made me wince but our kiss didn't falter. His hands were cold marble and his nails dug into my equally pale skin. He began to dominate, he leaned in and I began to fall backwards, he ran his hand down my bare chest and towards my pants. I finally fell to the mattress and found the man sitting atop me. My arousal was tight in my pants and I looked up to see the dark eyed, white skinned villain grinning down at me seductively, he reminded me of a black panther. His dark hair and swam around his features, his black eyes stared down at me, _You. Are. Mine._ They said.

"I told you Sherlock," he said breathlessly, "We could be brilliant together, we _will_ be brilliant together," he bucked his hips and I cried out.

* * *

**BTW before you start throwing tomato's...I wasn't sure if this should be a rape scene or a SH/JM scene...I was going to change it to rape but...well...A somebody *looks pointedly* you know who you are...Wanted me to upload it as quickly as possible...So forgive me and aim your tomato's instead at them. **

**Please Review!**

**Sorry...this is still a John/Sherlock...I promise it is...**


	24. Burning In The Fiery Pits Of Hell

Chapter 24: Burning In The Fiery Pits Of Hell

I woke, for a moment I just stared at the opposite wall in confusion…There was something…something not quite right and remembering the night before I grimaced. I turned over and found my double bed thankfully empty, had I really just done what I thought I had? There was a note on the pillow beside me, I could read it even at this awkward angle.

_I am never wrong Sherlock._

Love,

Jim 

My face set into one devoid of emotion and it refused to waver, why did this matter? I could do what I wanted; no one was the boss of me. Not even Moriarty. I'd just had sex with my archenemy, the man who'd threatened to kill my friends. My face still made no sign of emotion, my body was empty, I turned my head, feeling more alien then I had ever felt. John wouldn't care, why would he? He wasn't here for me and probably won't be, ever again. The sex, last night was meaningless…I'd always thought my first would be with John…and before then I never imagined I'd have a first.

A shadow knelt beside me, a song, who's lyrics I'd never payed much attention to were whispered from it's seductive lips,

_But love, love will tear us apart again.  
Love, love will tear us apart again._

You cry out in your sleep,  
All my failings exposed.  
And there's a taste in my mouth,  
As desperation takes hold.  
Just that something so good  
Just can't function no more.

But love, love will tear us apart again.  
Love, love will tear us apart again.  
Love, love will tear us apart again.  
Love, love will tear us apart again.

The next thing I realised was that my hands were balled into tight fists and my nails dug into my skin. I looked down at them; they seemed to carry all the emotion that my body refused to release. I let them unclench slowly and the spell was broken, I felt the emotion climb up my arms, gripping me with skeletal claws, it dived into my body, melting into a warm red colour much like blood, it was like a tingling sensation. It began to burn and then suddenly hit my chest. I gasped out and curled up into a ball as the pain pulsed through me, an overload of emotion.

I whimpered as the guilt and anger, sorrow and exhaustion burned my heart.  
_"I will burn…the __heart_ out of you…"  
I let out a cry, I sounded so weak, so broken…That's what love did to you…It picked you up, made you the happiest person alive, you could feel the sunshine on your back, the wind would whip his blond hair about his face…And then the rain would come soon followed by invisible hands, pulling, dragging you away to the reddening storms, the fires of destruction and madness. That's what love did to you.

I twisted and turned, crying out for the pain to stop, my heart was on fire and I was burning alive…I needed to put the fire out, I needed to drench my body from the emotions I felt. I fell to the floor beside my bed and with each tearful second I pulled myself closer to the bathroom. I reached the shower and clumsily pulled on the cold tap, I shivered as the water hit me, it was sharp and I shuddered as the fiery pain began to cool.

I lay on the floor, clutching my legs to my chest, my naked body so venerable and weak. I needed John, I needed him…I needed someone to hold me, I needed my brother, I needed my friends…I wanted someone to tell me I hadn't done what I'd done…I needed them to banish the demon from my mind. In a fit of hysterics I began to scrub my body with the shower sponge. But it wouldn't get the muck off me, it wouldn't get the stench of Moriarty from my soul. I gave up and resulted to my nails, I scratched and scraped and tore but no matter how hard or how red my skin became, Moriarty's vines had already dug there way deep within my skin.

I stopped, blood covered my hands, my blood, my body was bloodied and horrible and the cold water stung it's raw skin. I didn't care. I wanted my John back, I wanted him to come and hold me. I didn't care if he didn't share my love. I wanted him to hold me, to heal me, to nurse me back to health and stop that man, that dark demon sent from hell to get me.

I wanted…  
I _needed_ my John Watson.

* * *

**Please review! **

**Okay I know...this chapter is set in angst-universe in the galaxy of angst-ia on in the constellation angst-ella on the planet angst-mania on an island by the name of angst-isle in a little town called angst-ville...**

**I felt very descriptive all of a sudden...**


	25. Bloodied Star

Chapter 25: Bloodied Star

Hours later I immerged from the bathroom, I'd smothered myself with something John had once given me, some soothing crème…it definitely did soothe my self inflicted wounds, I stung every time I moved. Wincing I collapsed onto the couch with a grunt, I sighed grabbing John's laptop and opening the lid, the first thing that came up were two new emails, I didn't mean to read them…But never the less I _had_read them. The first was from Sarah and the other, from his sister.

_John I have two of your shirts at my apartment, pick them up or they're going in the bin._

Sarah

_Hey Johnny  
How's things? You haven't updated your blog in a while. Is Sherlock annoying you again, I can't believe there was an actual head in the fridge. I think there's some kind of thing you can get him to sign that will make it illegal or something. Any-who Tina told me about Sarah, sorry about that…There's ton's of woman out there Johnny, Megan's got this friend whose really nice looking and all…I mean, you are still into girl's, right? Mary thinks you and Sherlock are a bit close, you know I won't care, I'm just curious.  
Call me won't you.  
Harry_

I raised an eyebrow, my mouth twisting into a grimace she thought we were together? A red splotch suddenly splattered onto the keys of the laptop and then another and then another, I moved the laptop away and jumped to my feet looking up at the ceiling. The sight wasn't pretty, a star was drawn into the ceiling with crimson blood. My memory being the fantastic thing it was knew what blood vial was labelled with a star. As soon as I remembered who, I was literally flying up the stairs.

Mrs Hudson had tried to rent out the other flats in the building but nobody had wanted them. I reached the door of the room above mine and kicked it open. The first thing I saw in the empty room was the body laying on the floor. The body was that of a female. She wore a dark green cloak, soaked through with blood. A pool of ruby swam around her, the light from the only window shining down on it making the blood glisten horribly. She'd been killed recently, probably taken here and then stabbed…The knife lay on it's side only metres away.

"M-" I croaked…I cleared my voice before trying again, "Mrs Hudson!" I called down stairs. She didn't answer, "Mrs Hudson there's been a murder!"  
"What!" that had gotten her attention, I heard fast footsteps ascend the staircase and a puffing Mrs Hudson suddenly stood in the doorway. Her face lost all of its colour as soon as she saw the body.  
I turned her away from it quickly, "Do you think you can call Lestrade?" I asked.  
She nodded her eyes glassy with shock and began to walk away.  
I turned back to the body and walked forwards, I knew who it was but I hoped sincerely that I was wrong.

I stepped over it and moved the hair from the face with the slightest touch, I grimaced and winced in painful memory of laughing at a joke she had once told John and I. Yes I'd never liked her much, I had actually hated her for taking John from me…But he had loved her…and that made my heart burn with even more guilt and sadness.

I pulled my phone out and typed in a message,

_John I need you on a scene urgently, it's Sarah.  
SH_

I didn't want to worry him but if I didn't say anything about Sarah he might not come.

"Oh shit!" exclaimed someone from the doorway; I turned to see Lestrade, "Is that, is that…?"

I nodded, "It's John's ex-girlfriend," I looked back down at the lifeless body, "It's Sarah."

* * *

**I'm sorry this is so short...and I'm sorry it took so long...enjoying my holiday and all.**

**And no I didn't need to kill her off...Okay I kinda did...everything will become clear-**

**For god's sake woman shut up and stop giving everybody- *Has strangled self***

**Pl-ea-sssse Reh-he-view**


	26. Hate In My Stomach, Pain In My Heart

Chapter 26: Hate In My Stomach, Pain In My Heart.

Something was very wrong, I'd sms'ed John about Sarah twice, emailed, rung and done every other bloody thing I could think of. He wouldn't just have forgotten about her…No way…She had left him, not him her. I knew our friendship was…well from what I gathered it no longer existed. But she was dead for Christ's sake! Sarah's body had been taken back to Scotland Yard and her parents and family had been informed of her tragic death. I just stood in the middle of my flat knowing something was wrong, Lestrade was barking orders upstairs and even though my door was closed I could still hear him.

My phone finally buzzed in my pocket and I answered it instantly, "John?" I asked hopefully.  
But no there was a shocked silence before Mycroft answered, "Sherlock, I checked your surveillance-"  
I sighed, "Mycroft really, I'm fine, you don't have to worry."  
"No Sherlock, your surveillance was down."  
"But I- I haven't touched it," I muttered, my thoughts reeling to who could have.  
"I checked the memory file of the day it went down, I'm sorry Sherlock but…Moriarty's got John-" my heart thundered dangerously loud in my chest, "-He's had him for a while Sherlock, I…we have to prepare for the worst if-."  
"How long!" I interrupted angrily.  
"Since the kiss," Mycroft answered in his usual deadpanned tone.

I hung up on my brother without a second thought and punched in the number I had memorised as soon as it was given to me.  
"Hello, whose this?" he asked.  
"You know perfectly well who it bloody well is," I answered in frustration.  
"Oh Sherlock, is that you?" Moriarty asked in a very fake surprised tone.  
"No it's father Christmas!" I exclaimed.  
"Oh! Well I have been a very naughty boy lately. I'm not expecting-"  
"Moriarty why isn't John answering my calls?" I asked angrily. He had answered my sms's though, right up to a few days after the kiss…The thing was, he couldn't have typed them. So Moriarty would have…so their answers were false…So John could love me after all…The thought was quickly banished from my mind with the sudden realisation that John's body could be as cold and lifeless as Sarah's…and he wouldn't have even known.  
"Santa! Why in the North Pole do you want to know that?" Moriarty asked, an evil grin in his voice.  
"If you don't tell me this instant what you've done, I'll hang up, find you and rip your stinking soul into shredded pieces and let you burn in the pits of hell!" I screamed angrily into the phone.  
"Calm down my dear, I'm only joking," he laughed.

"I'm not in the mood for jokes," I answered coldly, "You killed Sarah."  
"I know!" Moriarty said happily, "And don't you love me for it?"  
"No!" I exclaimed immediately.  
"But you hated her," he said, he still didn't sound fazed one bit.  
"Didn't mean I wanted her dead!" I exclaimed, "This will kill John!"  
"Oh but I thought after last night-"  
"Fuck last night, last night was a one nights stand…I was upset, it meant nothing, last night never happened," I was breathing hard into the phone, anger was pulsing through me, my body was tingling with the sensations of Moriarty's hands on me…and it felt disgusting…like a demon readying it's newly accustomed sex-toy for the fires of hell.

Moriarty took some time to respond and when he did his voice was dark and cold, his usual jokey-creepy tone covered up by his even creepier business voice, "I see," he said, "Well then, you might want to know that I have John Watson."  
"Where is he!" I asked desperately.  
"Why should I tell you?" asked Moriarty.  
"Because that's how you work," I answered.  
"Again why we could be so perfect together, we understand each other so much more than-"  
"I love John Watson, Jim Moriarty, no matter what you do, how much you hurt or seduce me…John Watson is the only one for me, you need to know this…I will never love you as long as both of us live, I hate you will all my soul and always FUCKING WILL!" I took a deep breath, "Now, tell me where he is!" I ordered.  
"Warehouse by the harbour."

I hung up and walked towards the door, I opened it quickly and stepped around Lestrade, "Where do you think you're going?" he asked.  
I turned and he saw my expression and frowned, "What's happened?" he asked.  
"Moriarty has John, I'm going to get him back," I turned but my arm was grabbed by a strong hand and I was forced to turn back.  
"I won't stop you, but take your phone, _CALL_ for back up if you need it and take this," he handed me a gun and I nodded.  
"Thanks," I said with a weak smile, pocketing my phone and shoving the gun into my pants I descended the staircase with hate in my stomach and pain in my heart.

"I'm coming John," I told him, "I'm coming to get you."

* * *

**Sorry this took so long!**

**This reminded me so much of the conversation the Doctor has with the Master over the phone. Moriarty stalls just like the Master does and Sherlock just wants to get through to him and get the information he needs just like the Doctor…although the Doctor sounded more desperate as in, "Fucking fuck me already Master!" Sherlock more like, "Moriarty hurry tell me who you're gonna kill then I'll take John and make out with him then if you're good I'll give you a quick fuck…" Sherlock's a bit like Jack actually…Wait…what the hell am I doing? I'm talking Doctor Holmes here… D: OH NOES! Next thing I'll be writing is a Sherlock Holmes/Doctor Who fanfiction…The way I'm going I might even pair Sherlock and the Doctor…god…**

**Please Review!**


	27. Never Left Me

Chapter 27: Never Left Me

I reached the warehouse ten minutes after leaving 221b. I slammed the door of the cab shut and walked up to the big metal door of the building. I pulled my gun out and clicked off the safety as I turned my back towards the wall, I edged around the corner, gun at the ready, but nobody met me. I found a smaller door; it creaked noisily on its unoiled hinges and refused to budge any more than a few centimetres. I stepped back a bit and did a run up, slamming my body into it, forcing the door open a bit more. It should have really hurt but the adrenaline rushing through my veins numbed my pain. I slid through the small gap, there were positives to being as thin as a twig.

The room beyond was dark and dirty, chairs and discarded spray can's littered the grey concrete floor. I stepped over a half burnt bible and stumbled on a mattress of dirty clothing, "John?" I cautiously called out, there was no answer, "John!" I called again a little louder, this time I heard a muffled noise and hurriedly jogged in that direction, tripping over wet things that suspiciously smelt of urine.  
"John are you alright?" I asked the dark.  
"Hmmm."  
I suddenly saw someone strapped to a chair and ran to meet them. Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay!

I stopped dead when I saw him. John's usual blond hair was mattered with dirt, sweat and blood, turning it a disgusting grey/brown. A dirty white cloth hung over his eyes, blinding him. Another dirtier looking cloth was tied tightly around his mouth, to gag him, it was covered in blood and the sides of John's mouth looked bruised. He had a huge purple bruise on his right cheek but I couldn't see anything more under all the dirt.

His arms were tied around the back of the chair tightly, they were twisted and looked painfully strained. His jumper was in tatters at his feet and his white shirt hung off his shoulders, blackened and brown, it hardly covered him at all and the scar that I had only heard about was clearly seen across his shoulder, like a spider clinging to his dirtied skin. Scratches and bruises lined his arms and neck and his pants were unzipped and torn around the base and heels. His shoes were missing and his feet were covered in blood and black dirt. John shivered and moaned.

"John!" I croaked out, hardly able to speak at the sight of him. I finally worked out how to move my legs and I pulled the cloth from his mouth and then the other from his eyes, I put a hand to his face rubbing away the grime as he blinked continuously, "I'm so sorry John," I whimpered, before running around to the back of him and undoing his hands. He slumped back in his chair, his breath was slow and forced and I feared that Moriarty had done more damage to him that I had yet seen.

I ran around to his front again and cupped his face with my hands, "John, I'm here now," I said soothingly, "I won't let anything happen to you."  
He's dark eyes looked up at me, but they were glassy and looked straight through me as if he couldn't quite remember who I was. A tear streaked down my cheek and I pulled him close into a hug, "Moriarty can't do anything more to you, I won't let him, I'll kill him for this," I pulled him to his feet, he collapsed back down again but I caught him before he hit the ground.

I put an arm around his waist and supported all his weight as he clumsily walked in the direction I led him. He stumbled and I grunted with the effort, I set my features into ones of confidence and kept walking. Moriarty could be anywhere; he could be watching right now for all I knew…I just couldn't…I couldn't let him do any more harm to John. No way.

"Sherlock!" A cold voice called.  
I winced but kept walking, I'm not going to turn, not going to turn.  
"Sherlock, if you don't stop John might get hurt."  
I didn't know if it was a threat or if he was just stating the inevitable with moving a beat up and bloodied victim. But I turned none the less. If it was a threat…I just couldn't take the chance.  
Moriarty walked forwards, a scowl on his face a gun in his hand, "You are mine," he stated, "You are not his!"  
I stepped back hiding John behind me, "I. Am. Not. Yours." I said sternly.  
"But you are," Moriarty spat, "He is nothing, when you were bored I gave you a puzzle, when he left you I looked after you, when somebody hurt you I killed them."

I stepped forwards, John's body leaning against my back, my strong hands wrapped around his limp frame, the only thing holding him up. "I never asked you to kill for me," I said, "and John. Never. Left. Me." I was considering grabbing my gun but Moriarty would have held the trigger down long before I even touched it. Plus I'd have to drop John's body and if it didn't work then John's pain would be for noting.  
Moriarty's mouth twitched.  
I shook my head, so sure of my John right now, "He'd never do that," I said, "You did that! You took him from me and sent false messages from him to me. I never should have doubted my John, I never should have thought he'd do that to me."  
"Your John!" Moriarty exclaimed, raising the gun to point at my head, "He is nothing, he is dirt, he is an unintelligent ape, he is…he is…all he talks about is trivial nonsense. How can you love him!"

I raised my head, not embarrassed to admit it, not scared of the gun aimed at my forehead, "Because he is John Watson, ex-army medic, my personal doctor, my best and only friend, the most normal idiot on this planet…and I love him!"

* * *

**Sorry this chapters really really short...**

**BTW I love writing Possessive!Moriarty...it's fun!**

**Please review!**


	28. Only Shades Of Grey

Chapter 28: Only Shades Of Grey

Moriarty spat through his teeth, "I won't let _him_ win,"  
I shook my head, "This isn't about winning Moriarty, I'm not a prize you can win."  
"I will burn-"  
"I know, I know," I said drearily, "You said that already."  
"What else do you want me to say!" Moriarty exclaimed, he was shaking, what was wrong with this man, he had been so suave so carefree over the phone and now he was a shaking mess.  
I suddenly felt a pull on my body and turned to find John being pulled away by black figures. "John!" I exclaimed running forwards and punching one in the face, they went down instantly, I spun and went for a punch to the other but they blocked me, dropping John's limp form, to better defend themselves. The person, a man I realised, stepped back, his right leg trembled with the support and his right hand shook.

I kicked out at the leg and watched as the man collapsed, he'd fallen down the stairs a day before, too embarrassed and too scared to tell his boss, he'd turned up for work pretending everything was fine. Not so lucky for him that day would be the day Sherlock Holmes turned up. I kicked the man with my knee, not a hard hit, just enough for him to be knocked out for a few hours. I sighed and turned to where John lay, my knuckles burning from the punch before…But John wasn't there.

I spun towards Moriarty, he stood holding John in a headlock, he had the gun raised to his head and had an evil cat-like grin over his face. I put a hand out as if to calm the man, "What do you want me to do?" I asked desperately.  
Moriarty chuckled, "I have everything I want, although," he eyed my gun, "Thrown the gun over here."  
I grabbed the gun without looking away from Moriarty, I threw it to the floor at his feet, "I'll give you anything," I said desperately.  
"No. I want to kill this man," he pushed the gun to John's head, John winced with the pressure, "And then I want to fuck you."  
"Moriarty I'll do what ever you want, just put him down," I stepped forwards, my hand still raised.  
"Don't come any closer," Moriarty warned and I stopped.  
"I'll let you tie me up, I'll have sex with you, I'll let you torture me, keep me in a dungeon just don't, don't bring John into this," I begged with both my eyes and my heart and my voice, "Let him go, let him leave. Please."

Moriarty considered this, he honestly did but the cold eyes fixed on me again and his teeth gritted together in anger, "Say good-bye to Dr. John Watson," he said.  
I watched as John's eyes opened slowly, he looked at me finally, his eyes found mine and they were clear, something shined in their depths. 'I'm sorry,' they said…sorry for what? Sorry that he was about to die? Sorry that he didn't love me? Sorry that Moriarty had hurt him? Sorry he hadn't answered my sms's? What! John winced as the gun was pushed harder into his temple and my brain suddenly began to race at a billion times a minute, John can't die! John can't die! John can't die! I won't. Let. Him. Die!

What did I have that I could use against Moriarty? I had nothing on me but my…my…_"I won't stop you, but take your phone, CALL for back up if you need it…" _My phone. I kept my right hand raised towards Moriarty but I moved my left slowly into my pocket, my trench coat fell over my shoulders and flared out at my knees in a way that made one side curl over, Moriarty couldn't see my left hand. I slowly dipped my hand in, feeling the cold metal of the phone, I pulled it out and held it tight, wishing with all my might that my aim was as good as it was last week.

Moriarty was grinning at me watching my eyes glass over with what he thought were the start of tears, but in actual fact were my deep thoughts, "Say good-bye John, say good-bye to the dear detective-" he was rambling, not noticing my quick looks over his body, I had to find a weak spot, weak spot, weak spot, weak spot. Ah. I mentally smiled, weak spot, "-Ooh it seems he can't be bothered to-" I suddenly lashed out throwing the phone hard into Moriarty's knee. Both his hands dropped immediately to the crippling pain and the gun fell from his grasp. I grabbed John before he hit the ground, swooped to pick up the gun and kicked the other out of reach.

I soon stood a metre away, John wrapped tightly in my left arm and the gun raised to Moriarty's chest, in my right hand.  
Moriarty looked up, pain and furious rage in his dark eyes, "You hit me."  
I smirked, "I didn't expect someone of your intelligence to state so plainly what is obvious."  
He didn't like that. Good.  
"Sh-Sh-Sher-ock," I looked down to John but knew instantly that that was a bad idea, three seconds was the time I'd taken, three seconds was all Moriarty needed to get at me…

But I was too quick for him, I spun around just in time to see him leap for the gun on the floor. I pressed down on the trigger of the gun and the bullet spun through the air at high speed. I blinked and missed the impact of the bullet and Moriarty, there was a sudden sickening smack and warm liquid suddenly splattered across my face. I opened my eyes and looked down on Moriarty's still figure. I had aimed for his chest but instead there was now a hole in the middle of his forehead. His eyes stared up into nothing, the brilliant intelligence gone from their dark pupils.

The fantastically brilliant consulting criminal…was dead. I'd killed him.

* * *

**So...Have you been waiting for this chapter?**

**Okay so yeah...The end! Nah just kiddin'! **

**If you want more...I've already written it. **

**Just review and up it v'ill go! XD**


	29. Blood Splattered Soul

Chapter 29: Blood Splattered Soul

A door opened and a bright light suddenly blinded me, but all I could see was the blood on my hands, all I could feel was the crimson liquid running down my face, the warmth of someone's life, a life I'd stopped without blinking...I hadn't meant to. I hadn't...I hadn't...  
"Oh god," the gun dropped from my hands and I found my self kneeling on the ground. I'd never killed anyone, I never thought I would. Somebody might see me as lifeless and cold, excited at the prospect of another murder mystery...But that didn't mean I wanted that person dead, it didn't mean I didn't have nightmares. That's mainly why I don't sleep, although I'd never admit that that was the reason. I would rather die than kill another human, be it a monster of an innocent child…Oh god…I hadn't meant to…oh god.

I suddenly felt warm arms around me, warm…just like the blood. Oh god. I shuddered and heard a pathetic whimper escape my mouth.  
"Sherlock," somebody was calling my name, "Sherlock," I've got you it's okay.  
"M-Mycroft?" I asked, my voice was broken, my eyes blinked as the blood began to blind me, but the arms tightened around me and I knew my big brother was there.  
"Yes little brother, I've got you," came my brother's reply.  
"W-What have I done?" I asked.  
"You did nothing Shelly, it's not your fault," my brother called me by my childish nickname, the nickname I'd always hated…but at the moment it was like a comforting familiar gesture and I loved it, "You didn't do anything Shelly," my brother repeated.  
"M-Mycroft, make it go away," I whimpered, "Make the blood…b-blood…" I couldn't say anything more.

Mycroft picked me up and I suddenly realised I was missing someone, "John!" I exclaimed, struggling in my brothers grip, trying but failing to see through the blood, "Where's John! John! Where is he!"  
Soothing hands stroked my hair, "He's safe Shelly, he's safe, DI Lestrade is taking him to the hospital where he's wounds will be tended to with the best staff possible."  
I nodded, knowing Mycroft would use all his power as a "minor" government member to get what was needed for John.

I still couldn't see, but even though this was possibly obvious I thought to state the fact as I was feeling very uncomfortable only seeing bright lights and dim colours, "Mycroft I can't see anything," I said.  
"I know Shelly," the comforting fact that he was still using my nickname meant we were not in earshot of anyone but friends, meaning for example that Anderson and sergeant Donovan were not present, "I know how you are with these things," Mycroft continued, "You have ten seconds to compose yourself as we are leaving the building."  
I nodded grateful for the warning, "Thank you…" I paused not sure I could say it, "big brother," it seemed I could.  
I heard the smile in Mycroft's next words, plain and clear, "Don't mention it, little brother."

I composed myself, my brother's arms still guiding me towards the door, "Can you walk by yourself?" he asked.  
"I…yeah…yeah I can, I just can't see," I answered as Mycroft's hands left my body and the guiding touch of his suit shoulder was all that was left of his comforting hug. The small gesture of his shoulder brushing against mine every now and then was reassuring and I embraced the confidence it brought with open arms.

People were talking all around me, car's drove past, doors slammed, sirens called and for a minute I was confused…I kept the feelings of hurt and disgust off my face although I doubt anyone could see it past all the blood that I could feel was slowly drying. I knew that no matter what I did I still wouldn't be able to see properly until I rinsed my eyes thoroughly will some sort of cleansing eye drops, which would no doubtingly be provided by none other than Mycroft.

"Sherlock! Sherlock!" the voice belonged to Lestrade but I made no sign to answer it.  
Mycroft left my side for only an instant and I stopped in my tracks looking away from the noises of people and staring intently at a splodge of nothing in the other direction.  
"Sherlock's not in the mood thank you Inspector, he'll talk with you tomorrow, please take John to the hospital at once and we'll be there as soon as possible."

Mycroft returned to my side whispering quietly, "I would have let you see him now but you need to calm down and get cleaned up yourself."  
I answered with a nod, fighting a losing battle to keep myself from running over to the departing sound of cars and shouting John's name, I'd probably hit a wall or something stupid...The point was he was fine and I was fine…and everyone was fine.

Mycroft silently guided me past the sounds of humanity to a quieter place, my feet found the ground change from gravel to pavement and then to mortar. A car door only a few metres ahead opened with the sound of a click and Mycroft, obviously sure no one was watching, patted my back and placed a hand on my head lowering me gently so that I wouldn't bump my head on the car roof. I slid in and Mycroft joined me soon after.  
"Well done Sherlock," he said in a pleased tone, "You've put an end to the greatest evil mastermind ever known."  
I didn't smile, I made no sign of happiness and Mycroft suddenly moved uncomfortably against his seat, probably realising that I wasn't so happy about his defeat…not happy at all…John was hurt because of me, a man had died because of me and it didn't feel remotely like a victory.  
But Mycroft wasn't to know it was because of that, "Thanks," I said again, turning in his general direction.  
I felt him smile rather than saw and I smiled back.

The car ride was a short one, Mycroft had wanted us to stop off at 221b to get me cleaned up rather than the hospital as it would be crowded with photographers, journalists and policemen. Mycroft assured me that they would be gone by the time we got there and I knew it would be. Mrs Hudson opened the front door and gave a surprised intake of breath, I deduced from that one gesture that I looked like shit. No surprise there.

Mycroft's smile was clear in his voice, "Mrs Hudson, if you please, Sherlock is rather in a hurry, he'd very much like to get to the hospital and be by Dr. Watson's side," but the sense of urgency was still there too.  
Mrs Hudson moved aside with a quick, "Of course" and, "I hope he's alright," which I answered in a croaky version of my usually elegant tone, "He is."

Mycroft lead me to the bathroom and waited outside the door. I turned the shower on and stripped off my bloodied clothes. The water was cold but I stepped into it anyway, shivering slightly as its pinpricks washed, for the second time, the stench of Moriarty. Except this time, I did not scrub at my skin or tear at my body…this time I held myself, trying to keep myself from falling apart. I scrubbed at my eyes and they cleared a bit, there was a knock at the door and I looked over to see a red tinged hand holding a red tinged eyedropper from behind a red tinged door.

I reached out and grabbed it, "Thanks," I muttered.  
I lifted my hand above my face and let the drops fall into my already water soaked eyes. The change in them was immediate, the red tinge to everything disappeared and the world suddenly looked very blue. I blinked and let the liquid soak around my eyeballs.

When I felt a lot better and knew I couldn't stand one more second without my John. I climbed out of the shower and walked into the living room. My brother knowing me to well had already turned his back and already closed the front door of my flat. We didn't want a frightened Mrs Hudson walking in on a very naked Sherlock.

I dressed and was ready by the door in seconds. Mycroft smiled at me, "John hasn't woken yet, but he's been asking for you in his sleep."

I couldn't suppress a relieved grin as it spread over my face.

* * *

**Okay if you don't like this side of Sherlock then I'm sorry but I really can't see him as a killer and if you'd never killed anyone and your lover was there with you very nearly dead I'm sure you'd freak out too...**

**I mean come on he's not that much of a sociopath...**

**But yes some people like it when he's all alien. I like that but I need a bit of emotion too...so deal with it. Sorry. **

**Also many people believe Sherlock's nickname would be Sherly but I wanted something more embarrassing and cuter...so Shelly it is. XD**

**I am finding it increasingly easier to think of chapter names, strange enough...I've always been terrible at them.**

**Please review!**


	30. I'm Here

Chapter 30: I'm Here

I stood by John, he's body was deathly pale but his chest rose and fell and his heart monitor beeped steadily. His left hand was hooked up to a drip and the thumb of the same hand had a chunky plastic thing clasped over the top. I had no idea what it was for and expected I'd ask John when he woke, he was the medical expert after all. I had arrived five hours ago and just as Mycroft promised no one was around. Well except Lestrade but Lestrade was a friend and even he left after a while. He had left in the first hour, saying that he needed to clear up some papers. I _had_just killed a man, and now as strange as it sounded, there was paper work to be done.

In the first hour I had stood by John, watching his every move, he was restless in the first hour, kept calling my name. I was with him every time he called out, every time he began whimpering, "I'm here," I kept reassuring him, "He can't hurt you anymore, I'm here, Sherlock's here."

In the second hour I had sat on the chair by the wall, but anxious that if he woke without me beside him, he'd freak, I began standing over him once more. The third and fourth hour I had sat on the edge of the bed, my long legs spanning the length of the white sheets and my feet just touching the railing at the end of the bed. Now I stood again, I'd been getting a cramp from keeping my legs straight and was now slouching terribly over John's bed, my head rested on my left hand and my right hand stretched outwards, holding John's hand in mine.

His palm was facing down on mine and his soft fingers slipped through under my thumb so they were just sitting on the bed. I caressed the back of his smooth hand softy, running my thumb over it in circular movements. I barely touched the skin, but the small gesture was soothing none the less. It was like giving a teddy bear to a baby child who'd never touched one before, something familiar and sweet always out of reach suddenly given to you. John's hand was the only part of his body that had been spared from the terrible torture. They were small and effeminate with their beautiful gentle fingers and fragile look. Nobody could torture such a thing…

I had been so deeply concentrating on stroking John's hand, I didn't realise he'd woken. I didn't hear him mumble or fidget or open his eyes.  
"Uh…Sherlock?" a familiar voice asked. I stopped stroking immediately and turned to see John, very much awake, staring at his hand still in mine, "Can I just…" I let go of his hand and he raised it to scratch his nose, "Thanks sorry," he grinned at me. I was still staring when he gave me back his hand, "Can you keep doing that, it's rather soothing."  
I looked down at his hand, now in both of mine, and back up at him, I finally cracked a smile before enveloping him in a huge hug.

He coughed a little embarrassed and then chuckled, "Sherlock!" he exclaimed happily, "I'm not dying!" he chuckled again when I didn't stop clinging.  
I let go finally and couldn't stop the grin from leaving my face, "How are you feeling?" I asked quickly.  
"Great actually," he answered, "My hips, shoulder and back hurt a bit but other than that I feel better than I had."  
I nodded, I was so happy he'd finally woken, I turned quickly pulled a chair over and sat down next to the bed, I could sit here now and not worry about him waking up. He was awake!  
"How long have I been out of it?" he asked.  
I crossed my arms, "About five hours," and I haven't left your side to even go to the toilet.  
"Woah!" John raised his eyebrows in shock, "Five hours?"  
I nodded, "Do you remember much?" I asked.

John thought about this for a bit, scrunching up his face in thought, cute little creases rippling between his eyes, before answering, "Yeah. I remember the torture," he grimaced, "And the dark…I kept blacking out…and then I remember hearing your voice but I thought I was having another hallucination," his eyes went glassy trying to remember everything, "I remember you holding me…and then suddenly a gun was being pressed to my head and you were trying to reason with Moriarty, I thought I was going to die," he shrugged looking back at me, "And then it all went black…"

I grimaced and John saw my discomfort, "What happened," he asked.  
"I killed Moriarty," I answered.  
John didn't say anything.  
"I killed a man," I said, "Just like Donovan said I would."  
John frowned, "Sherlock, he was a bad man."  
"I don't care!" I snapped, "He was a human and I killed him."  
John went from looking surprised at my outburst to sad and then a small smile broke out across his pale face.

I stared, how could he smile at that?  
"You were so human just then," he said. He sounded like a proud mother, boasting to the other parents at day care about how her child had stopped using diapers. But it didn't matter because the small comment made me smile. Human. I'd sounded human. Good. That was…good.

There was a cough and I turned to see Mycroft, "May I have a word?" he asked.  
I stood and smiled at him, "Of course," I said turning back to John.  
John stared at me opened mouthed then looked back at Mycroft, who had a smug look on his face, "Evening John," he said in a light humorous tone.  
"But I thought…" John trailed off.  
I smiled at John and simply answered, "I owed Mycroft a favour."  
Mycroft's smile lifted slightly at one edge and I turned stepping around the curtain and walking towards the door.  
Why did Mycroft want to talk to John? Oh who knows? I smiled happily.

* * *

A few minutes passed and Mycroft stepped out of the room. "So?" I looked up not expecting any kind of reply, I didn't get one. But a smile and a pat on the back was all I needed before I was back at John's side.  
John looked thoughtful, he was sitting now, his pillows propped up behind his back. He was fiddling with his hands, especially the one with the needle-tube connected to the drip.  
John winced.  
"What's the matter!" I asked quickly fastening my pace and leaning over him, "What? Does something hurt?"  
John chuckled, "No, no Sherlock, it's just the needle," he showed me his left hand, "I don't like needles."  
I blinked, "Wait what?" and smirked, "You don't like a needle sticking out of you but you don't mind killing a man for me or a decomposing corpse in the fridge?" I asked.  
John chuckled, "Well I never said I liked the head in the fridge, but yeah."

I laughed and sat on the edge of the bed, "So what did Mycroft want?" I asked.  
He shrugged, "Advise on where he should get a new umbrella," he answered.

"Hmm, his umbrella fetish is getting quite out of hand," I answered with a smirk. John's lie was terrible and he knew I knew, but it didn't matter because my comment made John smile.

I liked it when he smiled.

* * *

**I'll update as soon as possible! **

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**Wonder what Mycroft said. XD**

**Please review!**


	31. I Love You Because

Chapter 31: I Love You Because...

John was able to come home three weeks later, yes three weeks. He was supposed to leave the hospital after the first week but Mycroft had insisted that he stay until he was completely healed. Of course the extra fee was payed in cash by none other than Mycroft. I basically lived at the hospital for the first week. I refused to leave John's side. But as my boredom began to build and the nurse's equipment began to disappear mysteriously, John ordered me to leave.

It had been an awkward few weeks. Life was basically back to normal, well as normal as it was when I was in-between cases. I kept my distance, wanting to talk about what had happened before the 'Moriarty-Incident', as we now called it, but never having enough courage to talk about it.

* * *

I sat on the couch looking up at the ceiling, I wasn't exactly bored…but a good case wouldn't go amiss. I was running through all the ways I could break the awkward silence and thinking of all the ways I could ask John about what had happened. My mind wasn't working properly, the logic wasn't there and I was finding it increasingly difficult to deduce anything while my mind was on John.

"Sherlock?"  
I could always say it straight out, 'John before the…' no wait…Maybe he wouldn't want to talk about the Moriarty-Incident. I didn't really want to talk about it.  
"Sherlock?"  
I could…wait what? Did John just-  
"Sherlock?"  
I sat up, "Hmm?" I asked.

"You realize you're muttering under your breath, right?" he asked, he sat at his desk, his hands hovering over the keys of his laptop.  
"I uh…I was?" I asked.  
"Yeah, I have no idea what you're saying but it's kind of annoying," he said continuing to type out the email that I knew was to be sent to his worried sister.  
"I…sorry," I said before returning to staring up at the ceiling as I steepled my hands together and placed them to my lips contemplating my strange behaviour. If John did not love me I needed to know soon or I was going to become a human wreck, I was becoming rather scarily unobservant.

"John?" I asked. It would be better to just say it before I grew nervous and said something completely different like 'we need more milk.'  
"Yes," there was a squeak as he turned the seat towards me. For some reason I had a feeling he already knew what I wanted to ask.  
"I was…Um you know before…" I sat up and got in a more comfortable position leaning forwards and sitting my elbows on my knees, "I mean to say…" he nodded urging me on, "What was going through your head when...with...um," I gesture the air between us and fell into silence, not sure how to continue.

John smiled and walked over to the couch, he sat beside me and I turned to see him staring. His eyes were kind and his smile was sad but sweet, I scrunched up my eyes trying to deduce something from his posture, trying to work out where that stain on his collar had come from…But I couldn't think straight, this was really getting quite disturbing. John put a hand on my knee and I stared at it for a bit before placing my hand on top of his, not sure if this was a friendly gesture or something more.

John put an arm around me and pulled me close, I let him but raised an eyebrow…Surely this was not just a friendly gesture, I searched his face for something. But I wasn't sure what. He leaned forwards and just held me, "It's okay Sherlock," he whispered into my neck. It felt good and it felt warm. I lent into him and breathed in the smells of soap and strawberry shampoo. "I don't know why you're finding it so hard to talk to me," John continued, "You just have to ask."

I lent back slightly and looked into John's warm eyes, "So…so did you…did you," I bit my lip, "have you thought about it…us?"  
John smirked, brought his forehead to rest against mine and closed his eyes, "I have, I did…I've made up my mind."  
I nodded, a little confused at why John was acting this way, "And?" I asked.  
He chuckled and opened his eyes, "And I love you, you idiot!"  
I grinned and let out a shaky laugh, "Oh."  
John tilted his head down so our lips touched, he moved his lips around mine and I followed his every move. Our tongues entwined in a sensual battle of lust as my lips began to tingle.

I suddenly felt John's hands on my back, they'd crept under my clothing without me knowing and he was running them up and down my cold skin. I felt my body shiver and my groin tingle with excitement as I began pulling at John's jumper. John chuckled again, "In a hurry are we?" he asked between kisses.  
I didn't answer only smirked as he pulled his hands out of my shirt so I could pull his jumper off. I lent down into him, pulling his shirt up so that I could run my hands over his bare chest, I kissed down his neckline and let out a loving sigh as he groaned beneath me.

"Did I mention I love you?" I asked, kissing down his chest, running my tongue over his taut nipple.  
"Nooo," John breathed.  
"I love you," I chuckled.  
"Prove it," smirked John.  
It was my turn to take advantage of him, right now it was one-nil…Now it was my turn to make him stutter, "I love the way you swear," I murmured into his skin, nipping lightly at the pinkish flesh.  
"Sh-Shit," he stuttered, I moaned in answer to the word.  
"I love the way you're the only one who says brilliant every time I deduce something."  
"Hmm," John murmured.  
"I love the way you confuse me," I admitted.  
He smiled at that.  
"I love the way you make my mind go blank," I nipped again, a little harder taking out my frustration I felt from these times out on him. He didn't mind, I deduced, as he let out a squeak followed by a moan.

"I love the way your hair is sandy blond," I ran my hand through it, pulling gently on the longer locks further to the back. John shivered and groaned, his head thrown back as I continued to kiss along his collarbone. I moved my hands down and put one around his back holding him up as his body began to become more limp.  
"I love your beautiful scar," I whispered, running a finger over the light pink spidery scar. I kissed along the skin feeling John shiver below my touch, "I love the way your breath hitches when I kiss you like this," I ran my tongue over one of the raised lines, before nipping at the skin gently.

I slowly lowered John to the couch and kissed his lips again, "Most of all," I said, smiling sweetly down at him, taking in his dishevelled appearance. Hair flung across his face messily, eyes dilated, sweat beginning to form on his forehead and chest, little red hickies lining his neck and shoulder and my saliva dripping from his heavily breathing lips.

His cheeks were red and his eyes glassy staring up at me, seeing only Sherlock, not a freak, not a consulting detective, not a high functioning sociopath. Just Sherlock.

"I love you for being the only one able to remind me," I paused to cup his face, "that deep down," I lent in and kissed him gently, my arousal pushing hard into his hip, "I am as human as they come."

The End

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**Epilogue and my thanks to come,**

**Please review!  
**


	32. Épilogue de l'évaluation par Mycroft

Chapter 32: Épilogue de l'évaluation par Mycroft Holmes

I stood by the curtain watching with interest as my brother smiled stupidly up at an equally stupid smile plain on the face of his doctor. If this wasn't love I did not know what was. No one would think of me as a romantic and truth be told I am indeed not. But I have experienced love, more than once in fact.

Sherlock is a brilliant man, inhumanly intelligent and brilliant in everyway. But he has been lost for a long time, lost and lonely and although he would never admit it but he needed someone to care for him and for him to care for. John was this person. I do not care for sex or age or anything of the sort. Love is love no matter what form, race, sex or age. Yes age is a part of staying together, but that had never stopped Anthea and I and it probably never would.

When I met John he'd only known Sherlock for a day and even then he felt protective of him. A strong, loyal heart equipped with a strong and healthy body and although I did not care much for this he had rather high intelligence for the every day individual. I knew that they could be friends, but lovers I hadn't expected till far later.

John stood up against intelligent and dangerous enemies, killed a man, put up with my brother's ever so tiring charade of untrue uncaring of those around him and even only half heartedly told him off for the body parts in the fridge. Truly a noble hearted friend.

But my brother had never come across someone like this, no one was kind, no one was caring, no one was understanding. He's distanced himself from me, mummy and any other family member. He had no one and then Dr. John Watson arrived and gave him everything that he had never had. Everything except love, that is. But that was soon to change as I could see my brother's feelings begin to emerge.

It was obvious my brother was in love long before the great game with the mastermind Moriarty. Sherlock had gone so long without these feelings that when they arose he did not recognise them, the thought that they were meaningful didn't even cross his mind. But I had seen them and so had others, Moriarty had seen it and that was a dangerous thing.

Moriarty used this love against Sherlock but Sherlock is more intelligent than even most people can believe and soon John and he were back home safe in 221b. My contacts had told me what had happened with Moriarty and scared for my brother's safety I checked on him. He was safe in his flat; John was asleep on the couch beside him. I watched as Sherlock sat buy him. I had switched the camera off after a few minutes, there was nothing that I needed to see.

Soon Sherlock was asking for my help, I gave it of course. But what I didn't expect was the thank you and the little message below:  
_Can we talk?_  
That was something Sherlock would never ask, never ask unless he was desperate and the only time Sherlock was desperate was when matters of the heart where considered. This had only happened once when a woman would not leave my poor brother alone, Irene Adler was her name now that I recall. A few commands from me and she'd been dealt with. Beautiful woman, but dangerous and definitely not someone Sherlock would love, let alone like. She was too smart for him, an intelligent partner was not one Sherlock would want. He'd want to boast and explain things to. Another reason why John Watson was…is his perfect match.

I helped Sherlock in every way I could, told him what I knew, told him what he needed to know, helped him every step of the way. Even nudged John a little in the right direction to get things moving. John wasn't a sexist man, he had nothing against homosexuals or bisexuals but when confronted with his own sexuality he became fragile. He had never doubted his sexuality, although I had seen it all along that woman just weren't for him.

Of course I never would have told him, I might be a high functioning human with little understanding of other human's feeling but I was not cruel and I did no one to purse my lips and cease talking. John managed to contemplate his feelings though, he let Sherlock in and ventured to kiss him.

Afterwards John left the flat, a little confused but sure that he had liked that kiss and that he had liked Sherlock, even without knowing it, more than a friend should like another. Then Moriarty had had to interfere, I had kept my distance as their love began to unfold, I was stupid to think that things would be safe, ignorant and kind in giving them privacy. It was my fault John had disappeared without a trace, Moriarty had known the delicate time this was and he had taken the chance. It was a brilliant plan, but none the less cunningly evil.

Sherlock was completely broken when I found him, he had found his love, battered and bloody in the hands of his arch nemesis and then he had killed a man. Sherlock did not kill, neither did he love. He had never had his heart broken, he had never had it played with. These events could have destroyed him completely but John, even as he lay in that hospital bed, kept him going.

And as I watched the two smile at each other over the cables and wires, I knew that John shared the same feelings that Sherlock felt and that both were ready to admit it.  
"May I have a word?" I asked.  
John had exchanged a look of confusion with both of us before my brother departed and I was left alone with him.

"John, Sherlock loves you very much," I said, swinging my umbrella around once before leaning on it and studying his reaction.  
John smiled looking down at his hands, "I know."  
"He was shattered when you refused to see him," I continued, John looked up with a frown, I smiled, "of course you weren't the one to send him those messages."  
"Moriarty sent Sherlock messages from my phone?" he asked me.  
I nodded, "He knows now that they were not from you."  
John frowned.  
"He went crazy without you around, he even contemplated joining Moriarty in his…" I coughed and grimaced with disgust, "games."  
John looked up with worry, "He nearly joined Moriarty?"  
"He was broken and confused," I explained, "he hurt himself in his disgust and heartache."  
John looked even more worried and I knew that he would stay by Sherlock's side very closely from this time on, if not as a lover than as a very dear friend at the very least.

I picked up my umbrella and hooked it on my arm, "He needs you now more than ever and I hope that you can admit your feelings towards him," I smiled as he widened his eyes and then added, "they are so plainly obvious."  
John smirked, "Of course they are."  
I turned, "Consider this John, Sherlock is a brilliant man and with your help, he could even be a good one," and with that I left, knowing I had achieved my goal.

And so I end my evaluation of these events with a few last words,  
"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel." - Unknown

_These documents are to be kept locked away in my safe till I pass, where they will then be catalogued and placed in the Holmes family library._

_Mycroft Holmes_

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**The title is very simple french, I was never good at french and seeing as I haven't done it for a few months I'm probably rusty.**

**I just thought Mycroft's chapter didn't seem right without a little Francais, don't you agree, no?**

**I found the poem on a love quote site. There was no author, so forgive me.**

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**_

**Thank you to all you readers, your comments and love goes a long way.**

**I have enjoyed writing this story as it was my first Sherlock Holmes fanfiction**

**and the first non-Doctor Who related story I have written in a while. **

**I hope you had as much fun reading this as I had writing it.**

**Also I will be writing another Sherlock Holmes fanfiction, **

**in which Sherlock is a demon. **

**Dark themes and John/Sherlock slash! Coming soon!  
**


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